We have a new girl, well I say new but she started in mid Dec, lets call her CJ. It’s new enough and she happens to live somewhere where the snow kept all those lucky bastards out of work for weeks on end so was hardly in the office until a fortnight ago (apparently she went a bit stir crazy and ended up buying things off cold callers “just to have someone to talk to” – er call your friends? Family?). I have the unfortunate task of sitting next to CJ(even though this does create a human barrier between me and the moody New Zealander) and in the past two weeks have discovered the following:
She talks to herself continuously. About anything, not just that under your breath swearing you might do occasionally or reading something out loud, I mean anything. It’s like her mouth is telling us about everything going on in her brain “riiiight, so who’s this email from then…?” or “I’ll get a cup of tea before I start that…” And it’s just loud enough for me to hear it all. I even caught her doing it in the toilets this morning.
She takes her handbag with her everywhere. To meetings, to the toilet, even to make a coffee. We’re not sure what she has in there, maybe the crown jewels? I’m tempted to swap it with a replica for the afternoon and find out.
She has no sense of humour. OK, so some of us here can be a little crude at times but she just doesn’t seem to get jokes or have a laugh. It’s not that she’s a miserable shrew, she just doesn’t get it. I think she attempted to be funny the other day but it made no sense and was met by a row of blank expressions.
Her eating habits are awful. She either gaks when she eats (you know, that noise you get when you chew with your mouth open?) or bangs her teeth together. It’s like nails being run down a chalk board and so I have to remove myself from the area when she does it.
There are certain words and sounds she likes to make when talking to people. This is more annoying when she is on the phone as you can only hear her side of the conversation. These words/sounds include: “Riiiiggghht”, “Yeah”, “Wooooow”, “Uh oh” and “Absolutely” and will be repeated countless times.
Lastly (I’m sure this list will grow as the months wear on) she is obsessed by her commute into work. She lives in the sticks by all accounts and by that I mean her closest train station is a car journey away. It’s a long journey, she drives in and to date has been having problems getting in on time. Every morning I am subjected to more information about her journey and how awful it is and how she has to get up at 5am. Fine, fair enough, no one enjoys a long commute but surely she was aware of this when she took the job? It’s starting to grate on a lot of people, especially those who also get up at 5am and trek in here, have been doing for several years and who don’t make a fuss of it on a daily basis. She will talk to anyone about it, our department, the lawyers, anyone she picks the phone up to. Yesterday she had the Occupational Health lady in to assess her work station:
OH Lady: So how tall are you?
CJ: Oh, uh huh, er, um….I am 161cm tall
OH Lady: Can you reach your stapler?
CJ: I don’t have one
(this kind of questioning goes on a while and I zone out and when I zone back in again…)
OH Lady: Is there anything else you want to discuss with me other than your commute……
(I choke on my coffee and try to hold back the laughter)
Then they spent the next 20 minutes taking about train stations.
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Very amusing Miss Clueless. Best thing to do with anger is to get it out and thrash it about in the open.
ReplyDeleteCan I thrash her about in the open?
ReplyDeleteOnly if I can watch.
ReplyDeleteWe've all had a CJ in the workplace. I think you should build a paper mache wall (overnight) in between you both. there can be a flap that she can lift and peep/talk (empty mouthed) through when she needs to communicate.
ReplyDeleteThat's a grand idea, I'll get mache-ing tonight and see what happens. It's cheaper than paying to have her 'looked after' as well.
ReplyDeleteWe have one too! She gives a constant running commentary on everyhting she is doing, everything she has done, everything she thinks she should be doing, everything she hasnt had time to do, everything everyone else she knows in the world is doing or what they should be doing or what they are thinking about doing or what they havent had time to do... She also cant get a sentence out without starting the beginning about six or seven times "what happened was, well what I did was, well no what actually happened well actually what Soanso said was, well actually what started it was this email, no it was a call no I said to him ...." I will her everytime to think of what she wants to say first, get it straight in your head love, then open your mouth and say it... Its like her mouth is an overflow valve for her brain... It all just tumbles out.... And she will insist on starting a conversation with you whilst dialling someone on her telephone so that she can stop you to have another conversation. Crazy making!
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