Damn it man just approve the thing!!!

I just want them to leave me alone. Why can’t they all leave me alone? Just one day, even half a day, heck just an hour would be nice. Sigh.

Somehow, some way I have managed to become fairly adept (or should that be inept) at using this new system. I think it’s just through having to use the god damned thing every day and also with it being so flippin’ rubbish having to find out why things aren’t working, learning short cuts and how to actually use the thing. It appears those 2 ½ days of hell, also known as training were a bit of a waste of time for everyone as they didn’t cover the subject of “What to do when it all goes wrong/stops working”.

So I’m struggling along with my own shit, trying to at least get one contract out the door without some error message pinging up or Harley debating over what I have put into the system (JUST APPROVE IT BEFORE I KILL YOU!), which is bad enough. However, Moody seems to have cottoned on to the fact I seem to know what I am doing and so now I have become his personal IT help desk. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind showing people how to do something, running them through the steps to create a contract or whatever but when you have to do it again and again and again then I start to loose my patience.

This, along with the bitching and moaning about it all has created a small hit list for me. A couple of people in the office I wouldn’t mind seeing the back of, or say they didn’t turn up for work tomorrow or…ever, I wouldn’t be disappointed. The main culprits are:

Moody
Harley

I have probably spent 85% of my day helping/assisting/listening to/printing out for/pointing out the obvious to Moody. Earlier I had to take him through how to transfer some lines from a requisition on the system on to a call off he had created. It sounds about 100 times more complicated than it actually is. It’s literally 3 clicks on a mouse. The 1st time took about 10 minutes and then I had to stand there and talk him through it 2 more times. Exactly the same steps.

“So, where do I go now?” “And now what do I do?”
I stand behind him clenching my fists and raising my eyes to the ceiling. Stay calm, be calm.

Every time I actually sit down and do some work he’s at my shoulder with another question or a “can you do this…” It’s like having a child. I don’t have children but if I did I’m sure they would be able to work a computer system after being shown 3 times in a row – 1 time probably. They’d also be able to photocopy things for themselves, make decisions and not take up my time ranting about things that aren’t going to change however much they rant.

Earlier today I actually avoided going into a meeting with some guy from BT. “Oh you have the requisition for BT, well those prices are all wrong. I am meeting with BT today, you should come along.” “Why?” “Well because you are doing the order” Yes which is punching in whatever prices you end up giving me and frankly I have 3 billion other things to do today other than sit and listen to you waffle on at the BT guy. So come 1.30pm I hear him get a call from reception. I grab a piece of paper and wander off determinedly in the opposite direction. I spend 5 minutes sat on the loo trying to have a small nap, take a good look around the stationary cupboard (might need to stock up on condoms….) and when I return to my desk – success! Kirstie informs me he has gone into the meeting.

What kind of levels have I reached when I am trying to avoid this man by sitting on the toilet for 5 minutes?

Harley is annoying on a whole new level. We have an issue (which Gunner is keen to do something about) where anything we do through the new system has to be approved by Harley. So I finish something on there, send it over to him electronically then he checks it and either approves it or reviews it with some comment. You can guess that Mr Pedantic doesn’t just approve stuff very often. Actually he does fuck all most of the time. We all have piles and piles of requests building up in his inbox waiting to be approved. “Oh Nancy would you swing by and go through these with me?” “Why? They’re pretty self explanatory shit for brains, if the sums add up and you like what you see then approve!” But no, I have to go sit next to him and take him through everything I have pending.

Yesterday I actually started to lose the will to live in one of these ‘drop bys’. It was partly the system screwing up at every available opportunity but the man doesn’t really have the word ‘speedy’ in his dictionary to help things along. To start with he wasn’t at his desk for half the morning but every time he was on his way back would say “Oh Nancy would you swing by please?” I did but you weren’t there, I find it’s easier to do these things if you’re actually in the room Harley. So when I finally sit down his phone rings “oh I’ll just be a sec”. I sit there…………You know I do have other things to be getting on with, I don’t just sit with my thumb up my arse all day…..oh and he’s off the phone……and now some wanker has started talking to him…..and oh yes he’s joining in the conversation. At this point I get up to go back to my desk. “oh sorry Nancy, this won’t take long” I eventually slipped into a kind of day dream where I was staring at a calendar on the desk opposite which was set to December for some reason and wishing it was already Christmas. All the while swinging in the chair…..

….and we’re back in the room.

So the 1st one we do doesn’t go through – system error. Better report this to the help desk. I swear 50% of the current outstanding help desk tickets are from Harley. This itself is a painful process. The man has created an art form of slow one fingered typing. Searching the keyboard desperately for the next letter and misspelling most words which he then goes back and painfully re-types. By now I am wanting to cry. He questions EVERYTHING. I explain why these things are – he doesn’t seem happy – it’s just the way they are – why? – because it’s just the way it works – why? – BECAUSE IT JUST FUCKING IS HARLEY NOW JUST HIT THE APPROVE BUTTON!!

I was there for about 40 minutes in all to go through 5 or 6 things. A normal human being would have taken say 10 minutes tops.

People say to me “oh it’ll calm down, things will be settled in a few weeks” Really? You think? Because at the moment I see no light at the end of the tunnel! This place just got even more nuts.

One of the old men came up and asked if he could send me a spreadsheet of Vendors for the database. I told him sure but it probably wouldn’t get looked at for a few months. He laughed and then saw my expression and realised I wasn’t joking. “Oh, er, ok maybe I’ll leave it for mow”

Yeah maybe you should.