New Girl – as yet nameless

OK so I don’t have a name for the new girl yet but there seem to be some distinguishing qualities becoming apparent:

1) She talks. A lot.
2) She seems to have done a lot of crazy shit
3) She has 5 blokes on the go
4) The UK mystifies her but for very random reasons
5) Her and Kirstie seem to share a lot in common

1) The talking a lot I can handle, it’s normally about fairly interesting stuff and she is very chatty in a nice way. It’s not all bitch and moan, its gossip and stories and questions. The talking a lot when I am trying to get everything done so I can get out the door at 5pm but end up talking to her (or listening to her) for 25 minutes and then not having done anything at 5pm when she walks out the door is not so good. Curb it in woman. We’re also not at that stage yet when you can have a conversation and just break off mid way through to do work stuff or just get to a point and go “yeah…” and turn back to your screen without offending. Kirstie and I reached that point many moons ago, sometimes she’ll just get up and walk away half way through something to ask someone else a question or my phone will ring and I’ll just stop, take the call and then carry on afterwards. You know how it works? It’s work, so sometimes you have to actually do some work and pretend to look professional!!

2) This girl is probably in her mid to late 20’s and already had clocked up some crazy shit that you probably should be aiming for by 50. Well maybe that’s just naive old me…youngsters these days. Pass me that scone. Anyway, since she’s been in the UK (which is 3 months) she’s already ended up in hospital once and has been the most drunk she has ever been in her life. She went to Vegas last year and got married (I don’t know any further details as yet, it was a passing comment at 4.59pm last night and I was trying to get out the door as I said), the guy she got married to is on YouTube being hypnotised at some Sex Expo in Australia, she’s been injured quite badly on a golf course and oh the guy she married in Vegas, you’ll be amazed to hear they are no longer married. She doesn’t remember much about it. Come to think of it it did sound a bit like the plot to The Hangover…

3) 5 blokes on the go. Actually it’s 2 now, I’m over exaggerating. It was 5 and she’s managed to whittle it down to 2. Now I’m not one to judge, play the field if you want, don’t put all your eggs in one basket and all that but it’s more that I can’t quite understand how she has managed to have 5 blokes on the go…. Miaoooow! Saucer of milk for Nancy, table 4! As I said she seems nice enough but she’s not a looker and she doesn’t have the body Christina Hendricks would be jealous of. Plus as mentioned previously she talks….a lot. I can imagine the dates being quite tiring for the guy, and not always in a good way. Plus there’s the danger you might end up married to the chick by the end of the night!

4) Random stuff. Like “Wow you guys take a full hours lunch break here!” or “What is it with sweet popcorn?!” or “Why did I get an email about someone having a baby?” (The last one was a round robin to the office because one of the receptionists popped one out yesterday – we share the joy here, no harm in that?). I can understand statements like “Why is it so cold here?!” or “Why did your boss look at me funny when I talk about wearing my thongs into work tomorrow?” but she just seems to be confused about the weirdest stuff. Maybe it’s me and I haven’t come across enough Australians yet (careful). No I have, I definitely have. I’ve been to Shepherd’s Bush, I’ve drunk in a bar in London….

5) As I am sat between the two ladies from the Southern Hemisphere there is a lot banter going on across me, as you would expect. Australia this and Australia that and “aren’t the English funny about…” or “do you find that….” A lot of this is quite comical and I like to stick my British oar in sometimes and wind them up but again with the talking a lot and me trying to get this work done before 5pm…. I think if it carries on I may have to create some kind of mini civil war to gain control of New Zealand so I can move further south and away from the Ozzies. I’m sure it’ll all calm down though, they’re just a bit excited at the moment right? Right?

It’s 4.49pm and I’d like to be out the door by 5pm so I need to start packing up and pre-empting the discussion about beetroot in hamburgers (wrong, it’s just wrong…), have a good evening y’ great galahs!