Happy Hell Day

Conversation between me and Moody this morning:

M: Can I ask you something about the system again?
N: Sure
M: So IT Lady as asked me which of these contracts is the original and which is the amendment or is it a revision?
N: * sigh * OK you remember about half an hour ago I took you through the whole revision of a contract thing?
M: Did you? Looks at me blankly like this is a whole new concept to him
N: Yes, I told you if you revise a contract then it becomes a revision of the original and adds the new stuff to it
M: So it combines everything into one?
N: Yes, well done
M: So what happens to the old one?
N: It is cancelled in the system
M: Why?
N: * sigh * Because everything gets put into the new one – the new one is the original contract PLUS the revision so you don’t need the old one any more
M: But IT Lady can’t see the old one then?
N: She can, she can search for it on the system. Why would she want to do that anyway?
M: Well to see both orders
N: But they are both on the revision
M: Oh, really?
N: Yes
M: So how do we search for them?

Herein follows a 10 minute explanation of how to search for a contract which Moody has been shown by my good self at least 7 or 8 times in the past 2 weeks. I take him through it 3 times.

M: So why has that one got a ‘0’ next to it?
N: Because that is the original one. The revision is the one with no extra number next to it (I know this isn’t that logical but it’s just how it is and I have told him this on numerous occasions)
M: Why?
N: Because it’s set up like that. So if you make another revision this revision one will have a….1 next to it!
M: But it’s been cancelled – how do they invoice against it?
N: They use the new one – the revision which has everything to date on it
M: How will they know how to use that one?
N: Magic and fairy dust
M: Eh?
N: I don’t know, I would assume that Finance have been trained in these matters
M: So what if a vendor invoices and does it as a lump sum or doesn’t put a contract number on it?
N: Why are you worrying about this? It’s not our problem, its finances
M: But what if we are putting the wrong information in these contracts?
N: We’re not, it’s what we have been told to do
M: But…
N: Look have you had anyone from Finance down here saying you’ve put in the wrong information?
M: No but –
N: So let’s assume it’s the right information
M: OK but why is that contract titled like that?
N: It’s probably because the fist requisition was for that
M: But it’s wrong
N: Not for the 1st one it’s not
M: But the revision is for something else
N: Yes which is why we put that in the Revision Description (shows him again for the 4 millionth time)
M: But the contract, the whole contract should be called something else
N: Well change it then
M: How?
N: Er by deleting that title and putting in something else? Just a guess here, I’ve not been trained in IT.
M: Can we do that?
N: Fuck knows, let’s give it a go shall we?
M: Oooh should we do that?
N: Well unless we try you’re stuck with the wrong header (gives it a go, it works)
M: But the old original one is still wrong
N: Yeah you can’t change that as it’s been done and dusted, cancelled
M: But it’s wrong
N: Really? You should have said before!
M: What?
N: Nothing. Well why does it matter? It’s cancelled; no one is going to use it
M: This makes no sense
N: Yes it does, once you know the system it makes sense. It’s a bunch of shat and convoluted and complicated but it makes sense
M: But why is it like that?
N: No idea, maybe they did it on purpose to piss us off? Actually no, it was my idea. I did it so I could spend 75% of my working day trying to explain how it all works to you
M: So do you understand all of this?
N: Yes I do now
M: So how come you get it and I don’t?
N: Because you are a demented, retarded, annoying imbecile
M: Eh?
N: I said maybe because I use it a lot more than you and do all your work for you?
M: I suppose so
N: Anything else I can help you with?
M: Well I have this hard copy requisition and I need to put the order on the system, how do I do that?
N: Just like I showed you last time
M: Did you? Looks blankly again
N: Yes, it’s just like setting up a normal contract
M: But there’s no requisition in the system
N: Yes because you are holding it in your hand
M: So how do we do it?
N: By just…..look shall I just do that for you?
M: Er yeah ok, thanks

Time elapsed: 25 minutes
Sanity factor: Put it this way, I’m rocking in my chair
Rage scale: Very high
Need for a pint: Extreme
Possibility of violence: High
Time elapsed until next question from Moody: 14 minutes
Hours until home time: 5 ½

To top it all off today is my 2 year anniversary of working in this freak show. Happy Hell Day to me….