Bah humbug! There is a distinct lack of Christmas cheer round the office today. It’s feckin’ stress city and I can hear phone’s being slammed down, voices raised and cursing left, right and centre. It’s always like this in this department leading up to the festive season, too much to do with that ever approaching deadline. Some people seem to be taking this more to heart than other though. Today it is Andre’s turn and boy when she is angry well…you’d better get out of the line of fire (quite literally when she’s got her crossbow out) and quickly! I’ve been in meetings with her where she’s got a bit irate about something and there has been fist slamming on the desks and the petulant child voice has come out on more than one occasion.
Not sure what her beef is today but she has shouted at a lot of people on the phone and then slammed it down. It’s raised a few eyebrows this side of the desk dividers anyway. Earlier Moody was talking to me about something and I was trying to earwig in on what Andre was screeching about down the blower and had to ask Moody to repeat himself because I blatantly hadn’t been concentrating. Ooops! She’s pissed off about EVERYTHING and possibly edging her way on to Santa’s naughty list.
Andre’s also been complaining about the meal we had last week for the department Crimbo lunch. In fact this week I had to make a complaint to the restaurant because Andre told me she had an ‘attack’ on the way home as they had stuck something she is allergic to in the food. She is allergic to E202 Potassium Sorbate and Soya Lecithin which basically means she turns down anything except her own home (medieval) cooking, KitKats and Walkers plain crisps (which she eats about 10 bags/bars a day of). I’m not sure what this ‘attack’ consisted of – maybe she was attacked by a pack of soya on the tube? Some killer Potassium trying to get her phone off her? I told the restaurant in advance about her allergies but obviously they had over looked something. Anyway I emailed the woman there on Monday and she called me yesterday leaving a message then emailed me asking how ‘he/she’ was.
You see Andre’s real name is a bit ambiguous (like the rest of her) when it comes to gender. Made me snigger anyway.
I rang her back today:
“We’re really sorry if your colleague was ill because of the food at the restaurant, how is er…is it he or she?”
“Well I know it’s hard to tell looking at her… Oh you mean the name?”
I know I am sounding massively unsympathetic but she’s the kind of person who would totally play on this kind of this (Andre I mean, I’m not sure if the lady at the restaurant is actually allergic to anything) and big up these allergies just for a bit more attention. She goes on about them enough. Any birthday’s or celebrations that she hasn’t cooked for and it’s “oh no, sorry I can’t eat that because of the preservatives” – but you can eat those 2 KitKats and 4 packets of crisps sitting on your desk? Riiiiiiiight. A friend of mine pointed out that it would be near impossible for a doctor to figure out something that specific you were allergic to unless you died because of the ‘attack’, normally it’s a shrug and you’re sent home with a pack of antihistamines and an adrenaline pen.
She also said that if Andre didn’t share what the ‘attack’ was, then she would bet a bottle of cheap Californian wine that Andre pooed in her Lord of the Rings robe and hobbit tights on the way home. I’m not sure that was the case but I almost pooed my pants laughing at the idea of it.
So the restaurant are looking into the situation to try and figure out what the heck they fed her had those ingredients (good luck with that). Once they do I’m not sure what they will do with that information but hey at least they are showing some genuine concern (yeah concern we won’t go back next year and spend another couple of grand…).
I have 48 minutes of this cheerless office to endure before I break up for my school holidays. So there will be a break from the blog (not unusual nowadays I know) until the 29th Dec when I am back and probably the only person in the office. Looking forward to that then!
Wishing you all a Merry Crimbo or whatever it is you celebrate at this time of year and all the best for 2011. I’m sure it will bring us more amusing tales from Office Strangeways if nothing else.
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