Fitness Freak

We have this ‘thing’ at work over Feb called “February Health Club” or something and the idea is you are meant to try and set yourself targets to lose weight or do more exercise or give up smoking or whatever. I can’t be arsed with it as I don’t have the time or the inclination but now Saffa has gone all Mr Motivator on us and has entered the department against the EHS team. We’re not going to win; we’re a bunch of unfit alcoholics, 70% of which are fat old men. I think she just wants to loose weight and is dragging us all along for the ride.

Don’t get me wrong, normally I am all up for the team stuff but this is like enforced healthy living. I got told I had to pick 3 or 4 so I picked 2. I am eating 5 pieces of fruit and veg and day and drinking 4 bottles of 50cl water and I’m going to cycle 4 more km a day. Maybe.

The options are:

Fat Club: set a target weight loss or body fat % loss

Fitness Club: set a target of how many runs or visits to the gym you make each week, for example

Food Club: can you eat 5 pieces of fruit every day or limit yourself to chips once a week?

Fag Club: can you give up smoking or cut down for 4 weeks?

Firewater Club: set a target of so many units of alcohol or even complete abstinence for 4 weeks

OK so I’m not fat and don’t really need to lose weight, I’m already fit enough thank you very much, I hardly eat chips and I already have lots of fruit, I don’t smoke and you can sod off if you think I’m giving up drinking for 4 weeks – where’s the sense in that?! It’s not that I can’t do it you understand, it’s that I don’t want to. Honest.

I’ve never seen Saffa so motivated about something, she’s running round the office with these flyers and waving them in people’s faces. Kirstie has been dragged into the mix by agreeing to help organise it. Apparently there is some incentive on offer as well, like a prize. Well it’s not going to be a cocking bottle of wine is it? Probably a spa day or a free health check up or some such choz. I’ll have a family sized bar of Dairy Milk please, it’s ok I’ll take it to the spa with me. Not that I am going to be close to winning this thing, I don’t think my heart’s in it (you may have noticed by the tone of this blog? No?) and frankly I have better things to be doing than extra sessions down the gym….like extra sessions down the pub.

Anyway, enough of my griping. The move is almost here, I’m surrounded by boxes and removal men and utter chaos. All that remains on my desk is my computer, a contract, 2 boxes of condoms (managed to offload the other 2) and my phone. They told us to make sure we were packed up by 3pm but that the office would close for business at 5pm. Hmmmm, anyone else see a flaw in that logic?

The next time I’m writing to you it’ll be from the new, swish, state of the art offices across the way – ooooo exciting! I’ll be celebrating with a bacon sarnie first thing on Monday from the new canteen….oh no, sorry I mean a banana and a bottle of Evian….sigh.