Lord of the kitchen

Today I spent my lunch break with Andre which is always an interesting and odd experience. I was late into the kitchen so by the time I was warming up my spaghetti hoops (in your face Facilities!!) there was only me and the Hobbit lover left. Ms Rigsby hung around for a while and left me with a copy of Grazia magazine which I tried in vein to be engrossed in but lets be honest I’m not a Grazia kind of girl so it was never going to happen. Some how we got talking about walk-in wardrobes which lead on to a discussion about the many outfits and costumes she owns and then there was the talk about Warwick Castle and trying to get her 10 year old nephew interested in working for a king in a reconstruction workshop (and failing) and the time she went to a convention and how odd it is heading back to your hotel room in the lift with Jar Jar Binks and Roj Blake.

You know the usual lunch time banter you have with people at work.

Part of me wants to inhale my hoops, burning my mouth, throat and all corresponding internal organs, throw my empty bowl at the sink and run back to my desk but the other part of me is always very fascinated by Andre and what makes her tick. She’s odd but she’s interesting. She’s got a bit of a strange set of priorities and outlook on life but she’s also very intelligent and can tell a funny story.

So I stayed and I listened and we talked about how she got drunk on some guys perfume in the other office because it was so strong. Literally, I’m not talking about the phrase I mean she says there was so much alcohol content in it she inhaled that and got tipsy. I really had no idea that was possible. She also told me about her friend who watched some historic film with her and they had children working on a ship and her friend asked why so Andre told her back then kids just worked so her mate asked “what about the heath and safety issues?” Andre had to then go on and point out that they didn’t exist in the 1500’s but flogging and scurvy did.

One day I would like to go to Andre’s house for tea and sit with her and her dear old Mum having an Earl Grey out of some bone china, sat on a sofa from the 60’s watching re-runs of Blake 7 and Dr Who. Then we’d eat some medieval feast for dinner and she’d show me her wardrobe and collection of lethal 16^th century weapons. I’d stay over in the spare room where she keeps her spare long staff and lie in a single bed with a Lord of the Rings duvet staring up at posters of Star Trek characters. Amazing. I’m itching for an invite, might have to drop a few hints over lunch.