I beg your pardon

My jaw hurts from laughing too much, we’ve got an attack of the giggles in the office today. It has arisen from a multitude of things, most of it filthy and all of it hilarious. Everything has just degenerated into chaos now and I can’t say anything to Kirstie without finding innuendo in it. Earlier I made her spray the water she was drinking all over a power point presentation and then Ginger joined in and Ms Rigsby wanted to know what we were laughing about….

It all started this morning at breakfast (yes its been going on all day, I’m pretty sure the guys sitting opposite us have invested in some ear plugs by now or will try and eject us from the office some how) and for some reason – I forget the specifics – I started singing the song “Rose Garden” by Lynn Anderson (if you don’t know it you might want to You Tube it now so the rest of this blog is mildly amusing rather than confusing to you) but an alternate version that myself and some friends made up (well I say made up but I’m sure there’s nothing ground breaking about our adaptation) on a holiday in Greece some time back. And so the 2 lines I sang to Kirstie as we walked through the office were:

“I beg your pardon, I never promised you my lady garden”

Kirstie found this hysterical and now the song was stuck in my head so cue many versions popping up all day long. Kirstie was also throwing in questions about the said lady garden in the song. “But what if your lady garden is all barren and dry and hasn’t had any upkeep?” “What if it needs the lawn mowed?” “You don’t need to see the lady garden to tender it…” and so it goes on.

Ms Rigsby and her impressionable and inquisitive young mind piped up this afternoon, enquiring as to what we were crying with laughter about. Kirstie said she shouldn’t know as it would sully her thoughts but she insisted so I had to explain things to her. Bear in mind she is a young whipper snapper as well so I had to first explain the song and sing the original to her.

“So there’s this song and it goes….”

“OK, I don’t know it”

“No, it’s quite an old song. Anyway we were making it into a rude version”

“How?”

Seriously this girl is so innocent sometimes…

“Well by putting an extra lyric in front of the word ‘lady’”

We now watch the expression on her face as she frantically thinks of what word this could be…

“Would that word be….lady?”

“Yes, yes it would.”

She went puce and giggled and then didn’t really know what to say. Then she googled the song and found out the lyrics and who it was written by and I’m now afraid of what I’ve started.

Then Kirstie sang quite loudly that she could smell my lady garden as Ginger was walking past! Then Ginger asked her what she said and she once again sang it at top volume. Ginger then posed the question of how Kirstie had smelt my….well you get the picture.

Gunner was looking perplexed at this point so I warned him this was one conversation he did not want to get involved in and he retreated immediately. He knows his place does Gunner and is quite happy there and away from any lady-parts talk.

Honestly I think the women in this department are worse than the men when it comes to lewd language and smutty talk. Well ok, some of the women. Well, alright…us. We’re just making the most of it before we are cruelly separated in the office move. I’ll be a whole 2 desks away from Kirstie there and so may have to resort to emails and shouting over the tops of other people’s heads.

“HEY KIRSTIE! A ONE, TWO, THREE……I BEG YOUR PARDON….”