Hand me my baseball bat

FB is back. She’s been back all week but what with Geek Pride Day yesterday I didn’t want to drag a dark cloud over the celebrations. She marched into the office on Monday morning (yes morning! She is capable of getting in before 1pm, who’d have known?!) with her usual “hello I’m back!” in that Pepe le Pew accent to which she gathered very little response. I think Andre said hello rather brightly but then she is nice to everyone. All the people along my row looked at each other with grimaces and raised eyebrows and then there was a bit of 2 finger saluting behind the dividers. I’m sure FB was bitterly disappointed by the lack of impact she had.

As I am now sitting away from most of the nutters she’s not been grating on me as much because I’m a bit more out of ear shot of her “oh la la’s” and excessively loud yawning. There has been the odd exclamation that manages to travel across the office floor though so I don’t think I have escaped completely. On Monday I got stuck in a lift with her which was bloody awful. I was with Curly on our way to the netball meeting and FB got in with some other chick from our office. Curly asked how long she had been back for etc and then FB started asking about the netball. I was stood in the corner avoiding having to have to actually communicate with the witch thinking “please don’t join the team, please don’t join the team”. Curly of course asked (the girl has manners) if FB and her friend were interested but luckily FB opted out. “Oh no, no, no, I don’t theeenk I would know ‘ow to play! Oh la la!” Thank sweet baby jesus for that. All the while I’m sure her mate was giving me evils, no doubt FB has been spreading noxious rumours about me, Gunner, Kirstie and Ginger who all can’t abide her either. Actually they wouldn’t be rumours, we do hate her and I think it’s fairly obvious so she will have cottoned on to that unless she is a complete retard (which is also possible).

So now she’s back for good it will be interesting to see how this all plays out in the department. I’m not sure if she has been introduced to CJ yet so I’m looking forward to what that brings about. Perhaps a battle of the whingers? CJ was telling the poor temp guy sat next to her this morning about her commute into work; I suppose she will have been gagging to tell someone about it for a while as everyone else in the office is sick to death of it. After 6 months you’d think you’d know to shut the hell up but apparently she still thinks its headline news. CJ and FB do seem to be already going for it on the ‘sauntering into work past 9.30am’ stakes but I think CJ is still winning in that category. We wondered if she’d make it in for the 10am team meeting this morning and she did, with 11 minutes to spare! Thankfully with less time to prepare she didn’t shoot her mouth off and keep us all in there longer than necessary.

FB will have now lost a lot of her power in the department what with her shag pal missing from the management team. I can’t see her winning over Moon Monkey with any sexual advances (excuse me……..ah that’s better the dry retching has stopped now) and Bog Monkey is never in the country. That just leaves Freaker, although I think he’s a bit too smart for that kind of thing and anyway he has his fancy woman in Dubai to consider. So with the sex card out the window hopefully FB is fucked (or not as the case may be) and we can watch as she slides into the background, unwanted, un-liked, uninteresting but possibly unpredictable.

Please allow me an evil chuckle at this point. Thank you.

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Oh I enjoyed that.

Still, I am probably getting smug far too early on in the game and no doubt she will pull something out of her badly dressed sleeve at some stage that will shock and enrage us all. I would say that people would have to be holding me back as I brandish a baseball bat with nails in it but I think I’ll be fighting my way through the angry mob to get a shot at her. Form an orderly queue please.