Ranty, ranty, rant Part 2

This morning I opened up my email and had this from Ginger:

From: Ginger
Sent: 06 May 2010 08:25
To: Nancy Clueless
Subject: FW: Field Course

What the ……………..


From: HR
Sent: 05 May 2010 17:16
To: Ginger
Subject: RE: Field Course

Unfortunately, there are no spaces left. I have just booked CJ from your team yesterday. The other dates available are September? Please let me know ASAP.

HR


From: Ginger
Sent: 04 May 2010 14:22
To: HR
Subject: Field Course

Hi HR,

I would like to attend the field course in Dorset on the 15-17 June 2010.

Please confirm this is okay.

Regards,

Ginger


WTF?!? Not funny! Ginger what have you done to me?! That’s so not funny, I think I’m going to cry! Aggghhhhhhhh!

“Calm down Nancy, it’s just a joke!” What? “Just messing with you, I’m on the course!” Oh thank christ for that. Not funny Ginger, not funny. And noted – watch your back!

This does mean that CJ is also on the course with us. All three happy course goers together! Hurrah! So if that’s not bad enough I have had to put up with a shed load of uber annoying-ness from her highness this week as well. The main issue has been the volume and attitude emanating from the desk beside me. I said there were two instances in particular, well now the 2nd has merged into a 3rd today. She’s been talking to me far too much for my liking as well. Where did I put that damn i-pod?

Yesterday the IT Geek comes over to ask CJ a question about some document she has put into place. He has been told to complete one and clearly doesn’t understand what needs to be done. It’s not his fault, it’s not in his usual remit, it’s something new to him and he wants to ask for some advice. You’ve come to the wrong place kiddo.

As the conversation unravels it appears that CJ is shocked and appalled at the fact that this geek doesn’t know about her ‘darling’ document, that she spent hours slaving away at and had to do so because our ‘darling’ company didn’t have anything in place before she came along and saved us all from incompetence. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this”, “I’m stunned I really am”, “How can a company work like this?” etc, etc. Now imagine all of those sentences said in the most patronising and obnoxious tone possible. Imagine the person saying them has huge illusions of grandeur and self importance. That they believe they are going to be individually responsible for taking this department and company to a new level and that they will be praised and rewarded for their efforts at every turn. Now also imagine that they are talking to the IT Geek like he is a complete retard, someone who is unable to grasp the fact that she is so amazing he should be thanking her for the time she is giving him and breath she is wasting on him.

Now imagine this goes on for a full 25 minutes.

Luckily I was between jobs in the stacks and so could walk away from my desk with a folder in hand and hang around the filing for a while. Give it 5 minutes I thought, and then they’ll be done - how wrong I was. Every time I sat back at my desk I could feel my rage building as she got more and more obnoxious, ruder and ruder to this poor IT Geek who had come over to ask a simple question. I could feel my fists actually clenching and found myself getting up again to wander the office in search of somewhere else to be. At one point I crossed Gunner at the photocopier who made a hand in fist gestures at me whilst jerking his head in CJ’s direction. At the time I was carrying 3 lever arch files and I said under my breath “if she doesn’t shut up I’m going to shove these up her arse”. People were throwing me looks of pity across the divides as she ranted on and on and on and on….. The poor IT Geek looked like he was desperate to leave but there was no way out, he’d dug his hole and no one was prepared to step in and save him in case they too were sucked into the vortex of CJ and her twattish sayings.

Finally he managed to walk away and the ranting stopped. Peace at last, only interrupted by the odd phone call “HELLO CJ SPEAKING!” where she was rude beyond comprehension to a client – so much so it jolted Kirstie to email me with “How rude was she?!” 5pm came around and I grabbed my lunch box and ran.

Reading that back it doesn’t quite get across the extreme annoying factor that she was generating yesterday. It wasn’t just me; there were a lot of other people sitting around her who had the urge to ram pencils up their noses just to get away from it all. Maybe one day I will record her with Kirstie’s Dictaphone and let you hear how fucking grating she can be.

Instance 3 was back with the IT Geek today. Before I had sympathy for the guy, he walked into that situation completely unprepared and unaware and was caught in the head lights. Today however he had only himself to blame as he returned with another question about the aforementioned document. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this!” And so it starts again. I can’t believe this either! Why have you come back to ask her?! Why is she going into one again about something so trivial and feckin’ simple? Immediately my hackles are up, the rage-o-meter is rising and my knuckles are going white. I have to get away. As I stand up Gunner does so at exactly the same point and eyeballs me to get the fuck out of here. So we run for it, we run and we don’t stop running until we get to the kitchen. OK, so we don’t run, we saunter with empty coffee cups in hand but I’m trying to build a dramatic scene here. After leisurely making a coffee in the kitchen and deciding the coast must be clear we saunter back. She’s still ranting. IT Geek looks like he’s eyeing up the fire escape exit and his hand is edging towards the paper weight on her desk.

I sit back down and try to block it out, the whiny, loud, patronising chatter that I have 3 solid days of to look forward to in June.

I’ll race you for the fire escape IT Geek.