The return of FB

I’m sure you’ve been on tenterhooks since the blog yesterday, what could this good news be?! What wisdom and knowledge does Moon Monkey have to enlighten our lives with? Is someone getting sacked? Are we all moving to Uganda? Tell us Monkey, tell us!

Well I’m sorry to disappoint but it wasn’t that exciting in the end. We sat in the meeting room waiting around for our glorious leader until he finally walked in at 4.15pm. Kirstie suggested a round of applause and I think everyone was so amused/annoyed by that point that they did in fact start clapping! Luckily he saw the funny side and we’re all still in our jobs today. Most people in the department were there apart from Saffa who was in a meeting, Ginger who had finished for the day and wisely decided not to stay on and a couple of others on annual leave.

Several items on the agenda including this ridiculously massively complicated database thing they are installing and no one agrees with. I won’t bore you with that and there was nothing new about it anyway. We were also introduced to a new member of staff who has in fact been working in the department for 2 weeks. Only that morning in Starbucks did Ginger ask me who he was and if anyone had been introduced to him yet, slightly ironic that she went home and so missed the introduction in the end! Typical of this place that we have to guess who we work with.

The main news was about the Uganda project and how this is going to generate 75 new jobs. Many in our department. So many that we may have to move offices again (we moved last Christmas). They’ll all be based in the UK though so no jollies to Uganda for us (if you could describe a trip to Uganda a ‘jolly’) but possibly some to Paris and Beijing. Moon Monkey went into no details but said that everyone is more than welcome to apply for whatever comes up. Now I know I should have probably been thinking “ooh, opportunities, maybe I’ll get to use my brain cells again” but in all honesty I switched off and started thinking about when I would get to go home – that is how interested I am in this job.

For me the final item was not what I would describe as ‘good news’. Apparently FB (the same one of shagging the ex-boss fame) is coming back to work in this office at the end of next month. Joy. She’ll be back here full time, or whatever she considers to be full time (so, 11am-3pm?) and sat behind me whining away in her shitty accent, stomping her foot to get what she wants and declaring out loud how she shouldn’t eat that 35th chocolate or she’ll get fat. A warped and twisted side of me is interested to see how she gets on with CJ and if Moon Monkey puts up with any of her shit. I doubt very much she can seduce Monkey Man as he’s really not got it in him for an affair and seems to have standards, but you never know. Might spice things up a bit around here but on the flip side she’ll have all that power over the management again and make our lives hell – or more hell.

She’s also going to be heading up a team; if I get picked for that I will seriously consider resigning. I can’t afford to resign though so maybe I’ll just give myself a lobotomy. Actually I think I am almost half way there with a lobotomy so maybe I’ll keep a copy of the Yellow Pages in my draw at work. Kirstie and I have had several lengthy conversations about how we could defend ourselves from her which then lead on to how we could inflict some physical damage on her without provocation. Kirstie suggested using a Yellow Pages across the chest/stomach as it causes internal damage and doesn’t leave any marks. Before you start thinking why I am associating myself with people who know things like this let me explain that Kirstie’s husband is a prison warden. She’s also an Australian so she may have tried this herself. Either way I’m open to suggestions.

Questions at the end of the meeting went on longer than necessary as usual, with Moody piping up on more than one occasion. CJ also threw one in, I think to try and look good but judging by the answer from MM she just showed herself up. She also made a point of saying “yeah” after every one of his sentences. We finally escaped just before 5pm which meant I had to do 5 minutes overtime – not happy. Moon Face wants to hold these every month but we shall see, I seem to remember him saying something very similar 6 months ago.

This morning it was also discovered that we never paid our bill at Starbucks! Kirstie had to leave before everyone to go to a meeting and none of the management thought it necessary to pay for coffee and panini’s so they left - retards. A worried Starbucker called the main reception this morning asking if we would mind wandering over and paying the £85 tab.