Break-in

There was a break-in in the office last night. We got the official email from the head honcho this morning. Scary shit man, someone was in stealing laptops and phones and pen tidy’s and everything.

Apparently ‘we suffered a security breach’ last night just after 8pm and a ‘single male intruder (how do they know his marital status?) entered the floor (clever) and took a number of items from the desks around the Legal and Risk Teams.’ Ah the irony, you’d think they’d be a bit more cautious wouldn’t you? Anyway a full investigation is being carried out and security is being raised in the office. Too right, I’ll be locking my savoury poppy seed crackers and pretzels away tonight and making sure my bowling trophy is in a high security vault.

Most likely this bloke wandered in after a cleaner and then cleaned up, saw the opportunity and took it. But the way they go on in this email I have images of a ninja style cat burglar, head to toe in black and shimmying up the outside of the building.

We have cctv at the entrances to the floors from the lifts, by the loo’s etc so you’d think they’d have caught him on camera. Not that I suppose that would help any, he’s long gone with his tippex and mouse mat stash by now. Maybe it was an inside job?! Thieving from your own work colleagues?! Tsk tsk, bad show indeed. I wonder who the suspects could be….well it wouldn’t be anyone in Legal and Risk that would be too obvious. Andre’s on ‘annual leave’ so maybe she has actually been planning a break in for months and was mistaken for a ‘single male intruder’? Well it’s possible, she is a bit mannish and dressed head to foot in black you might not be able to tell the difference apart from her large lady arse. Then there’s Moody who is still in New Zealand supposedly! He’d be more matching the description of the intruder and a lot less clumsy, plus he wouldn’t be looking for ancient artefacts like Andre. But then Moody has a heart condition so he’d have to be careful, too much excitement like that and he’d be keeling over by the water cooler.

Running out of suspects here, most other people are accounted for or just completely incapable of actually carrying out a ‘security breach’. I have an alibi for my whereabouts last night at 8pm before you start throwing accusations at me!

If we have any more updates I will let you know, I’m sure you’ll be waiting with baited breath for the next instalment. Will there be another break in? Will we catch the thief? Will Andre return from her holiday sporting a new Blackberry and sport watch?

All will be revealed. But probably not.