DO NOT SAY I DID NOT WARN YOU

Some more comedy messages from the database email for you today. It’s one person in particular who calls himself Mr Isibor and is a Chief Consultant no less. I’m guessing Mr Isibor isn’t used to conversing over emails with people from the UK and didn’t get the memo about writing all of his emails in CAPITAL LETTERS. I don’t know about you but when people do that I read it like they are SHOUTING AT ME! So it’s a bit disconcerting, plus the fact that a lot of his sign offs, whether intentionally or not sound like he is threatening me to buy things.

Initially he sent a very short email with no information about the company so I replied asking for various things like an address, telephone number, web site etc. This is what I got in response:


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 05 August 2010 15:57
To: Database
Subject: Re: D2 SCO for POF provider

KINDLY INDICATE IF YOU CAN SUPPLY D2/JP54-PLS SEND YOUR SOFT OFFER FOR IMMEDIATE RESPOND.

REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


Hmmmm, none of this answers any of my questions. So I again reply to ask for some company info so I can add them to the database. And this was Mr Isbor’s swift reply:


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 06 August 2010 09:23
To: Database
Subject: Re: D2 SCO for POF provider


Dear

Our products list is as following:

(Massive list of products….)

Wish our products will be helpful for your business .Any questions,Welcome here.
=================

REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


Right, I don’t think he gets it. Tell you what I don’t give enough of a flying fart to carry on with this, I’ll just ignore it and not bother.

But the man is persistent with his random emails so I have been lucky enough to get a few more through since:


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 05 August 2010 16:11
To: Database
Subject: BUYING OFFER (05-08-2010).

FROM THE LAST DEAL OF THIS SEASON.

I received this from a contact. let see if we can work on this withGENUINE procedures.

YOUR PROMPT REPLY IS MOST APPRECIATEDWE NEED:
(Again with the long list of stuff…)

100% IRREVOCABLE ,DIVISIBLE,ASSIGNABLE NON TRANSFERABLE USA CONFIRMEDDOCUMENTARY LETTER OF CREDIT AVAILABLE AT SIGHT AT CONFIRMING BANKCOUNTERS.L/C IS ISSUED AFTER ACCEPTABLE DIREDT RECEIPT OF :1) COPIES VALID ACCEPTABLE POP OF FIRST SHIPMENT .POP MUST INCLUDEINDEPENDENT INSPECTION CERTIFICATES OF QUALITY AND QUANTITY.2) INOPERATIVE BANK PB OF FIRST SHIPMENT TO BE MADE OPERATIVE BY USACONFIRMING BANK SAME DAY L/C IS ISSUED.


REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


Er yeah ok I’ll send you all those details shall I? Leave me alone man. Oh hang on, he’s back…


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 12 August 2010 15:45
To: Database
Subject: FOR YOUR BUYER'S INTEREST..

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE THE SELLER, WE CAN GUARANTEE YOU A ALREADY COMPLETE DEAL. HE IS READY TO PERFORM WITHOUT UPFRONT FEE.

IF BUYER IS NOT OKAY WITH AVAILABLE OFFERS-WE WILL BE WELCOMING TO YOU NEW BUYING REQUEST AND YOU WILL HAVE IT SUCCESSFUL BUT ONLY IF YOU CAN PRESENT BUYER'S LOI/ATB OR CPA FOR LOADED VESSEL. WITH THIS WE HAVE A DEAL.

REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


WTF is he going on about? Who is ready to perform without an upfront fee? All sounds a bit dodgy to me. Maybe I should be reporting this to the police…..


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 16 August 2010 13:31
To: Database
Subject: BLCO TTO SPA

ATTACHED IS BLCO OFFER ON TTO FOR INTERESTED BUYER ONLY.SELLER IS READY TO PERFORM WITHOUT UPFRONT FEE.

--

REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


Again with the upfront fee. And why is he shouting at me?! What did I do wrong?


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 17 August 2010 12:32
To: Database
Subject: UPDATES ON AVAILABLE OFFERS.

THIS IS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT SELLER FOR THE "PAL REK" TTO SPA/2 SPAs FORCADOS NAIRA/DOLLAR DEAL/FOB-MIRC/CIF-TRIAGLOBAL ARE READY TO PERFORM.

ON THIS AVAILABLE OFFERS I CAN GUARANTEE YOU-SO BE SPECIFIC AND KINDLY REVERT BACK WITH REFS. TO THE VERY SPA.

REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


Er you what now? I need to visit a spa?

OK so I am skipping 4 of these as they are a bit repetitive and also make no sense whatsoever. We’ll move on to the ones that start to sound threatening…


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 19 August 2010 14:50
To: Database
Subject: ATB MT VIRGINIA AND SPA 2MB FOCADOS FOR IMMEDIATE BOARDING


ATTACHED DOC.

IS ANOTHER FOCADOS OFFER DOLLAR DEAL FOR 14 NET 9. SEE ATTACHED ATB FOR VERIFICATION AND CONFIRMATION RAISE BG TO ACTIVATE ATB TO BOARD.

THE SOONER YOU RESPOND, THE BETTER.

--
REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


Jesus, the sooner I respond the better? Why? What will happen if I don’t? I didn’t check these emails for 2 weeks! Should I check on the cats? Come to think of it I haven’t seen them since yesterday….


From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 21 August 2010 19:00
To: Database
Subject: SPA DOCS FOR 2 LOADED CARGO MT KOS & MT MARAN LYRAN

FROM ONE OF MY SELLERS CONTACT;

3MB OF 2 CARGOES BCLO FOR IMMEDIATE CLOSING. LET BUYER VERIFY THE CARGO WITH SGS REPORT blah….blah….blah….blah…. SHARING STRUCTURE ARE 100% NON-NEGOTIABLE.

I AM A PAYMASTER FOR 6 CONTACTS IN MY GROUP. ANY ATTEMPT FOR ANYBODY TO TAKE OUT OF THE COMMISSION OF MY GROUP IS SIMPLY NOT POSSIBLE. IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT YOU KNOW THAT OTHER ALTERNATIVE BUYERS ARE ALSO INTERESTED IN THIS DEAL AND THAT SELLER WILL ONLY CLOSE DEAL WITH THE QUICKEST & FASTEST BUYER TO RETURN SIGNED AND SEALED CONTRACT.

DO NOT SAY I DID NOT WARN YOU.

REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


Blimey, I’ve had a warning now. It’ll be horse’s heads in my bed next. And why does he keep on shouting! I think this guy means business.

The next email was sent yesterday and was massive and written all in CAPITALS but not just only in CAPITALS but RED CAPITALS. Do you think this might be a coded message? Red….blood…..danger….oh deary me.

Then another about 20 minutes later….



From: Mr Isibor
Sent: 23 August 2010 19:35
To: Database
Subject: FOB AND TTT BLCO PROCEDURES

THIS IS FOR ONLY SERIOUS BUYER NO TIME GOING BACK/FORTH HERE.

NOTE:
WE ARE NOT READY TO ENTERTAIN UNNECESSARY COMPLAINS IN REGARDS TO THE ABOVE OFFER.

--
REGARDS,
MR. ISIBOR
CHIEF CONSULTANT


I’m sorry I wasn’t aware I made a compliant. I’m considering it now, you hear me? I SAID I’M CONSIDERING IT NOW!

Today the messages are a bit cryptic as they are blank and have been sent twice. What does it mean? Have I scared him off? Perhaps someone else got there first and he’s not able to type due to some mafia inflicted injury? Or this could be a silent threat? Clearly the shouting wasn’t working so he’s going for the softly softly approach? Well dear readers, if you don’t hear from me by the weekend then expect the worst.