Drive by caking

Lots of free food in the office today, I’m feeling particularly stuffed and should really hit the gym tonight but instead I’ll probably go home and eat more. We’ve had free sandwiches and rolls thanks to Saffa ordering some for a meeting, then cancelling the meeting and forgetting to cancel the food. She came round to apologise to Kirstie about it but instead got a pat on the back for providing us all with a complimentary lunch! Said lunch was wheeled down to us at midday by a lady from reception and we all dived in!

On top of this it’s Moody’s birthday today, I think he’s 102 years old or something, he won’t tell us. He keeps claiming to be 22 but the full white beard and dicky heart say otherwise. So birthdays mean cake and Moody did us proud by bringing in a fabulous selection from a yummy bakery. No Sainsbury’s donuts or Mr Kipling lemon slices in there! Not that I’m not partial to a lemon slice (careful) but these were stupendous. Kirstie grabbed a chocolate brownie the size of my hand and I got a danish (as in the pastry not someone from Denmark). We went halves and had the danish in the morning (easy) and then devoured the brownie in the afternoon. My god. Possibly the best brownie I have ever had. Fact. I tried not to inhale it in one go but it didn’t last long. Feckin’ amazing.

We are partial to a cake in this office as you already know but today I saw another side of some of my colleagues, a side I’d rather not know about. When there is cake and free sandwiches about you had better get in there quick and then stand out of the way of the stampeded or you’re going to get hurt! You’d think some of them hadn’t been fed in a week. Strange how they don’t react like this to a free bar…oh hang on they do don’t they?

When the sarnies got wheeled over Kirstie whispered to me “you had better get in there quick before CJ realises there is free food in the room”. She wasn’t wrong. I was standing perusing the selection with paper plate and napkin in hand when I look up to the sound of hurried stomping and see CJ literally running up to the trolley. She comes up right next to me as if to check out what I have on my plate and I almost cover mine with my hand protectively. Then she barges past me to get to the rest! I’m not exaggerating, her shoulder made contact with mine and my rolls almost ended up rolling on the floor! Jesus luv calm down, there’s plenty there unless you’re worried I’m about to make my way through 40 rounds of cheese and pickle!

The woman is the size of a twig so it could be she only eats free meals and they don’t come along very often. I’m sure I saw her stuffing some into her pockets out the corner of my eye…

The cakes were a different story all together, they went quickly and not only CJ was in a hurry to pick out a good one. But as is always the way we had left overs. A couple of weird looking tarts (I’m still talking about the cake selection here), some cupcakes and a sponge bear who was looking very lonely and unloved. Kirstie was good to get in there early for the brownie and I thank her for that profusely.

Anyway we have some leftovers and I am thinking it’s going to go to waste so I email some of my buddies in Finance who I know are cake lovers. No joke you could count down on your watch as to how long it took them to get down from the other side of the office. Maybe just under 30 seconds?! The flamboyant gay guy (he who was flirting with everything male at the rounder’s BBQ) actually ran down, straight past the cake box and to the sandwiches and then looked disappointed until I pointed them out. The New Zeeland girl (“I had some good dicking last night…”) followed up on the rear (easy) and pinched a cup cake too. I think Mr Flamboyant might have taken out a couple of the IT geeks as he ran through and there was a ‘swoosh’ of papers somewhere further up the office. I can picture him now walking back to his desk staring longingly at his cake whilst everyone around him recovers from the pastry seeking missile that had swept through a few moments earlier.

In conclusion I work with (and I include myself in this statement) a bunch of greedy heffers who would sell their own grandmother for a double choc chip muffin or egg roll if it’s going free. No one’s going to die of starvation round here by the looks of it.

Nom, nom, nom.