Gag reflex

I am tying this through a blur of watery eyes and runny nose, actually it might be bleeding, I haven’t checked.

Pepe le Pew is back today and I am trying not to pass out as I type. I mentioned in my list of rants yesterday that there was a man who has been sat at the spare desk next to me for the past 2 days and his aftershave is so overwhelming it is actually hurting my sinuses. People can smell him on the other side of the office. Gunner thinks it’s because he is French, I think maybe it’s because he’s a massive hairy man who needs to mask his BO. Whatever the reason it is giving me a headache again and makes me feel really sick. Also worryingly enough it smells more like perfume than aftershave…. Donna has just told me he is going to be here for 4 weeks, maybe longer. I may have to request a transfer. Why do I always end up sat next to the freaks?! I’ve already had to be moved once!

It has been suggested that I douse myself in Katie Price’s new stink and try and get a bit of sweet smelling revenge but I think the combination of the 2 aroma’s could cause some kind of fire or possibly merge to form a type of mustard gas and set the fire alarms off. Plus I’d quite like to keep the hairs on the inside of my nose and try to limit the chemical burns to a minimum.

I may sound like I am exaggerating slightly but I really am not. I worked out I can smell him on my walk back from the other end of the office before I turn the corner into our area. That’s a good 20 paces away. Everyone who comes over this side to speak to one of us has also commented on the odour.

“Oooh who smells nice? Is that your perfume Ginger?”

Yeah it smells nice because it’s only just wafted into your nostrils and soon you shall be clear of it. You haven’t had to breathe it in for 7 hours and fight off the urge to stuff tissues or biscuits or tampons or whatever comes to hand up your nose to try and mask it.

Everyone who comments also refers to it as ‘perfume’ which is fairly comical. Maybe he is wearing perfume? Kirstie thinks she recognises it and it’s one of them Jean Paul Goat-ier ones with the gay sailors in the adverts but perhaps he picked up the lady bottle instead of the mens and no one corrected him about his mistake? Or he could just like wearing lady perfume, you never know, each to their own and all that. I’m not sure why he feels it necessary to put so much on though. He must be getting through it pretty quickly by now.

Tomorrow I am going to come in with one of those masks Michael Jackson used to wear and a diving mask and….heck I’ll just don a full chemical hazard protection suit like they wear in ET! I’ll set up a series of plastic tunnels to and from my desk as well to ensure that nothing gets through. Do you think he’ll get the hint?