Do you love him?

It seems that the weird religious junk mail I got from Mr. Isibor wasn’t a mistake or one off – there’s more. This time with many pictures to accompany it. I wish I could copy and paste it all in here but that doesn’t work so I’ve done my best to recreate it in all its glory. Please imagine many different colored and styled fonts, moving pictures, lovely backgrounds…..a work of art in freaky emails.

When God is about to reposition your life know that the devil will begin to attack!

Read to the bottom - watch the water!

If I don't get this back, I will know you really didn't read it. I got this from someone and thought the last part was really a good thought....

Too bad that the person who sent it to me did not know 10 people who would admit to knowing the Lord.

Do you love him?
This is a simple test…

IF YOU LOVE JESUS, SEND THIS TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE INCLUDINGTHE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU!

The Poem

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.

I had to hurry and get to work

For bills would soon be due.

So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,

And jumped up off my knees...

My Christian duty was now done

My soul could rest at ease......

All day long I had no time

To spread a word of cheer

No time to speak of Christ to friends,

They'd laugh at me I'd fear..

No time, no time, too much to do,

That was my constant cry,

No time to give to souls in need But at last the time, the time to die

I went before the Lord,

I came, I stood with downcast eyes.

For in his hands God held a book;

It was the book of life.

God looked into his book and said

'Your name I cannot find

I once was going to write it down...But never found the time'

Now do you have the time to pass it on?

If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything,If you look at what you have in life, you have everything.

Thomas Kinkade Paintings (hope the water is moving!!)

READ THE FIRST LINE CAREFULLY.....

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

This is a Thomas Kinkade painting. It's rumoured to carry a miracle!The water is supposed to be running, so if it's not moving then the picture didn't come through entirely.

They say if you pass this on, you will receive a miracle.

"...Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the staircase."(Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Regards

MR. ISIBOR

CHIEF CONSULTANT

Pretty amazing stuff eh? I’m loving the art work – although this one seems less threatening until the last. He’s upping his game on the tack-factor though so I wait in anticipation for the next instalment…

One way ticket to Freakdom

I am not happy. For the past 3 weeks or so work has been ridiculously busy. So much so that I actually have things to do on a daily basis, things that require me to work through my lunch break stay late and do more than one task at once. What’s that all about?!

OK so maybe I don’t mind the fact that I am, for once, being required to use my brain cells and that the day goes by very quickly now (bit too quick if you ask me) and I actually have a feeling of self-worth in my role. However, all of this work has been encroaching and disrupting my ‘normal’ work day activities. And this will just not do. When do I have a chance to email my friends? I’ve only been able to hop on to FaceCrap twice today! How about the flights I need to book, the shopping I need to order on line and of course the all important blogging I am required to do??

Talk about conflicting priorities.

You’ve probably noticed a decline in the regularity of the blog in recent weeks and this is the main cause. The day runs away with me and I find myself with 20 minutes to spare and under a lot of pressure to be funny, entertaining and informative in a short space of time. Maybe this improves the quality of my blogs? I’m guessing it’s probably the opposite though…..I’m sorry.

I partly created this blog because I was so bored at work and thought I could fill my time with something more constructive. I achieved this goal and so ‘Resemblance to real persons….” was created and on a roll. Now some toss pot Moon Monkey has decided we need to upgrade our systems and its bye bye blog and hello days of stress, frustration and an increasing tendency to talk to myself. My rantings have got Kirstie all worried about me, to the point that this morning while I was swearing at my computer screen for the 5th time since 8am (yes you did read that correctly, in at 8am every day – WTF?!) she wheeled herself over to me, put her hands on my shoulders and asked me to step away from my desk for 30 seconds and take a deep breath. I looked at her with tears in my eyes, a colleague on the edge, falling into the brink of insanity to join the hobbits and elves and monkeys made of moon.

“I’m worried Nancy, you’re starting to talk to yourself more than Moody does!”

JTFC. What is happening to me? They’ve finally broken me! The freaks are on to me, they’re rising up with their wooden spoons and crossbows to take me down and they will not stop until I am clad in a hand woven tabard, listening to panpipe sounds of the ocean and having a running conversation with my Outlook application.

Must keep one foot firmly in reality. I can’t let them win. Luckily I have Kirstie on hand to slap me about a bit if it gets too much but she won’t always be sat there, she has to take toilet breaks and go to meetings and even annual leave!!

I knew the fact that I welcomed Frodo and Bilbo Baggin’s birthday celebrations with open arms and excited anticipation was a bad sign.

Fat Hobbitses

Greetings from the Shire!

I’m finding it hard to focus at the moment, pieces of bakewell tart, pasties and strange looking stews keep swimming past my vision. I am full. I am possibly beyond full. And me saying that means I really am full – not even room for a wafer thin mint. I am also incredibly sleepy as my digestive system fights to work the lard and pastry through my system while I try and talk to people in meetings. It’s not easy working with a Lord of the Rings obsessed colleague.

So far we have done courses 1, 2 and 3 of the Long Expected Party and course 3 was a 3 course lunch so I guess that makes 6 technically. I have just been given course number 4 (7) which is a slab of St Clements Cake and as nice as it looks and smells I just can’t bring myself to eat any more. Might have to wrap it up and take it home, I couldn’t bin it as that would be a crying shame and a bit of an insult. Plus the majority of course 2 is currently sat in my waste bin (hidden under my desk….I hope she doesn’t do an inspection later!) so I feel bad enough about that already.

This morning at 9.30am we all received an email with an attached menu of the day:


Dear All,

Wednesday, 22nd September is the anniversary of Bilbo & Frodo’s Baggins’ joint birthday. There is a tradition among Tolkien fans to hold a day of celebration when we eat like Hobbits.

The day’s menu is attached, and Second Breakfast will be served shortly.

Eglantine Proudfoot of Brocklehurst


If you’re wondering Eglantine is Andre. Obviousily.

Second Breakfast consisted of pancakes. I remember these from last year and I wasn’t impressed. You’re probably thinking either large traditional Shrove Tuesday pancakes or possibly those fluffy thick ones you get in the U S of A for breakfast? Nope. Think small, solid and quite black all over. Served with a slab of butter. I’m not over exaggerating about the butter either, Andre said she went through 6 bars of the stuff cooking up this feast! Even thinking about it makes my arteries groan. So the pancakes weren’t any better but the slab of butter made them more agreeable.

Next up on the menu at about 11am was Elevenses in the form of “Precious Cake” and I quote “Still ounce for ounce more expensive than gold, this traditional cake is flavoured with Saffron”. Not a winner for me, I won’t be fighting off any hobbits or turning into a whispering goblin creature to get my hands on another slice. In fact I had to dispose of it after one bite. Not in front of Andre of course! “Mmmm, yes it’s lovely Andre!”……as soon as her back is turned spits mouthful into napkin.

I was of course invited to the lunch and I bought bread rolls as my addition to the feast (only 2 got eaten, they were a bit superfluous to requirements but I was only doing what was asked). Luckily it’s not pissing it down out there so we managed to find a Party Tree at lunch time and chow down.

See how easily I accept all this madness now? Worrying isn’t it?

We used the same spot as last year (chosen by Kirstie and I as it is the most secluded in the business park and off the beaten track) and the table cloth was laid, the food put out, wine poured and tunes blasting. Oh yes, we have the LoTR soundtrack to listen to while we eat – Andre sang along to some of it which was nice. Socks and shoes have to come off which is mandatory and all fine and dandy until you’re sat on a picnic rug full of food with people’s toes wriggling in very close proximity to the salad.

Lunch was the following:

Great Pasty – Pasties were amongst the provisions given to Sam and Frodo by Faramir. “Great” pies were made from the same meats as were served at a traditional Christmas feast. (It was pretty ‘great’, tasty pastry and nice filling.)

Herbs and Stewed Rabbit – Gollum caught two rabbits for the Hobbits to eat, which Sam cooked with herbs. This is an Anglo-Saxon recipe of a kind similar to the Rohirrim. (Not bad, had lentils in it and was a bit bland but hey hobbits can’t be fussy when free food is being handed out.)

Mushrooms – However unadventurous they account themselves, most Hobbits will run risks for their favourite foods. (The only mushrooms I came across were in the Rabbit Stew so I assume this is what she’s referring to.)

Onion Tart (no explanation for this but it was in fact the most tasty part of the main meal, I had seconds on this one – in hindsight possibly a mistake).

Bakewell Tart – from a traditional recipe by guest chef Caylith Singollo (also known as Kirstie – it was really good and I’m not normally a fan of a Bakewell but the girl done good. She said she stuck to the recipe that Andre gave her but replaced the lard with butter and this was a good choice. Lard? Who cooks with lard?)

The lunch was accompanied by some New Zealand wine which I quaffed as much as possible of (hard day at the office dear) and some lemonade. Everyone except Andre had wine.

I’ve just been served up with Afternoon Tea which is the St Clements Cake and looks and smells amazing but I am unable to eat any more. That lemon and orange cake SHALL NOT PASS my lips right now. You could hear the trolley coming and my heart sank and my stomached groaned. As I looked up an email from Ginger popped into my inbox titled “Oh S**t!” and said “I can hear that trolley again, Im going to exploded………………” I’m with you sister, I think I’m in physical pain right now.

The final course is for The Road Home and obviously lambas bread. For those of you who aren’t as familiar with Tolkien’s writings this is a hard, hard….hard bread that the hobbits used on their travels. Think shortbread mixed with concrete. I have that to look forward to at 5.30pm.

I think I’d better have a kip, or go for a run and work some of this butter off. Until next years celebrations my hobbit friends.

We eat like Hobbits

It’s that time of year again!! That important event that should be in all of your calendars!! That’s right people it’s Bilbo & Frodo’s Baggins’ joint birthday!

My, my these things come around quickly. It only seems like a few months back I was sat under the Party Tree eating a feast with my shoes off and trying to ignore the stares from passers by in the business park. But here we are, the week of the 22nd September and it’s time to start fasting in anticipation of the 7 courses that I shall be consuming on Wednesday.

Some of you may be wondering if I have lost my mind finally, the years of work here have got to me and I’ve joined the freaks and gone crackpot. Nope, I’m simply embracing the craziness….and stuffing my face.

Every year Andre celebrates this wondrous occasion and today I returned to find this in my inbox:



Dear All,

Wednesday, 22nd September is the anniversary of Bilbo & Frodo’s Baggins’ joint birthday. There is a tradition among Tolkien fans to hold a day of celebration where we eat like Hobbits.

I shall be distributing nibbles to the department throughout the day, but lunch, which is created from a selection of recipes from before 1850, is a special feast and the numbers have to be limited for logistical reasons.

You are cordially invited to a picnic lunch under the Party Tree celebrating the Long-Expected Party on 22nd September 2010.

Please mail me if you have anyone you would particularly like invited to the picnic – we don’t want to go over 10 people.

Anyone volunteers to bring extras for the picnic – wine, bread, salads etc, would be gratefully accepted.

Hobbit costume optional

Bare Feet essential (and the hairier the better!)

RSVP

Best regards,

Andre


I have volunteered to take bread. I’m quite looking forward to it, although some of the ‘nibbles’ were a bit dubious last year. The main picnic was pretty damn good though so I’ll have my hair feet out and my napkin tucked into my shirt for that part! As you can see it’s an exclusive invite for the picnic part and I have been lucky enough to get on the guest list 2 years running now – not quite sure what I did to warrant this invite but I’m not complaining this time.

If I am able to type you’ll get a full run down of the day’s menu and activities, if I am unable to due to unconsciousness through over eating you’ll get it Thursday.

To the Shire!!

More inputting? Oh yes please!

Why is it always the way that the day before you’re due to go on holiday the proverbial shat hits the fan? So far I’ve been given a shed load of new database stuff to do for NOW and of course won’t be in tomorrow to finish it off. Typical. I want to spend the day mulling over where I want to sit on the plane, what I should pack tonight, and what tourist attraction to visit first. Not if Bumface Ltd are on the system or what T3 code Titwank Industries might need. Bastards.

It also appears that I have been given the wonderful task of adding all the missing companies on to the new system. The numptys that missed out uploading a bunch of contracts before we went live have now had some invoices come to bite them on the arse. Can’t pay an invoice without an order in the system, thems the new rules. Oh no, what are we going to do now?! I know, lets get Nancy to go through all of these missing companies and painstakingly input them!! Grand idea! She likes a bit of inputting does Nancy (careful)! Hang on, where’s she going? Nancy? Nancy – why are you opening that fire escape door 4 floors up? Do you need a bit of fresh air? You’re very close to the edge there….Nancy?.......Oh dear.

Don’t worry I’m still here! I wouldn’t top meself over something as banal as this feckin’ system. Well not yet, its early days, ask me again in a couple of weeks. Actually I think I am totally getting’ down with this new database, I’ve actually found myself giving people advice and help on it today and managed to source those T3 codes, get some PO’s off for signature and even link up things with the old system! I. Am. On. Fire! Go me! Go team Nancy! That’s the way I roll. Give me an ‘N’…..give me a….

Ahem.

Sorry, think the approaching holiday and dwindling hours of my working day are making me delirious.

So all might not be as bad as it seems. People are of course still slagging it all off, saying its not as good as what we had before, why did we have to change, picking holes in it etc. But of course people generally don’t like change do they? It creeps up and then BAM it’s there and it’s not what you’re used to and everything’s moved and you’re learning new things. Scary shiz. But today I have seen a small glint of light at the end of the tunnel for the new database, you never know it might actually make part of my job enjoyable?!

Well, lets not get ahead of ourselves shall we?

I shall return next week donning a Kiss Me Quick Hat, laden down with strange foreign sweets and a t-shirt tan. Until then.

Can….not….compute….

My brain is threatening to explode all over my computer monitor, desk and fellow colleagues. The new database finally went live yesterday and today we got our passwords. It has not been a carefree and easy day, there have been issues and shouting and swearing and hissy fits and quite harangued members of IT trying to hide in dark places so we don’t hunt them down.

Firstly no one knows what they are doing. I am a prime example of this. My 2 ½ days training way back when have been forgotten (although all I did was listen to that northern wanker moan and whine and bitch for the entire time), the refresher course was baffling and now I am faced with a new screen of information I have no idea what to do with. Harley is busy allocating requisitions to people so I have three sat in my ‘inbox’. So I click on one but there is no vendor information in it. Eh? No name, address, contact details. Gunner informs me that they should have checked the vendor list on the database (which has nothing to do with me as we know that my database is now defunct) and if they weren’t there they should have completed a New Supplier Form. Thing is people don’t realise this is what they have to do because no one has told them. Huzzah.

So what now Gunner? Well you need to tell Harley to tell them to fill out a New Supplier Form, then they send that to the help desk who send it on to finance who put a code on it and send it back to Gunner. Then he puts the information on the system and THEN I can go ahead and use the requisition to make a PO.

You following me so far?

So that could take days? Weeks? Months even? Quite possibly. So Harley is freaking out because suddenly he has ‘responsibility’ and ‘work’ to do, all these requisitions piling up in his inbox, if they don’t get sorted he gets shouted at. He thinks I should draft up a PO anyway and save it on the new system (the new other system – oh yes there is more than one). But I can’t because I don’t have a PO number (I have 2 other numbers which are apparently requisition numbers – and the need for 2 is why? – but not a PO number which is an entirely different matter….apparently) I also can’t create the PO on this database which will in turn create a folder on the other system which I could put any documents into. Hmmmm, well save it on the old system and then move it on to the new system when you can? Er no. Why? Because that will make it even more monumentally fucking complicated that it already is!!! He insists so I say ok and when he walks off me and Gunner agree not to do anything.

But hang on says Moody, I created a PO this morning without any vendor information why can’t you? Good point, lets try. But wait I don’t have the same options as you on my screen, where is the PO button…..?? What’s that? I’m not set up to have the right access rights to do this? And I have to email the help desk who will open up a new call and then think about giving me access rights but might have to ask Harley for permission to do this and then……

………head explodes over computer monitor, desk and fellow colleagues.

So now I am sat here, unable to do anything. Ah the joy of new technology. Don’t worry I won’t lose any sleep over it tonight.

I was chosen to receive this novena

Mr Isobor is back and this time he’s giving me religious advice. He seems to have taken the day off from his threatening SHOUTY emails regarding spa’s and spot buys and decided to send me one of those spam emails telling me to forward it to 3,461 people in 20 seconds or I will die. Me and about 50 other people on his work email distribution list. Seriously, I don’t make this shit up. Clearly he thought this was an important message that everyone should read and he may have also been concerned that unless he didn’t send it to as many people as possible his dog might explode or his dick fall off.

This is the message:

Email Subject: Look at the picture closely

Look at this closely:

The President of Argentina received this picture and called it "junk mail", 8 days later his son died. A man received this picture & immediately sent out copies…his surprise was winning the lottery. Alberto Martinez received this picture, gave it to his secretary to make copies but they forgot to distribute: She lost her job & he lost his family. This picture is miraculous & sacred.

You were chosen to receive this novena.

The moment you receive it, say :

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU, It shall be well with you this coming year.

No matter how much your enemies try this year, they will not succeed.

You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year.

For all of 2010, all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows and pain because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down...

I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me. My child! What can I do for you? And I said,

'Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message... '

This is a Novena from Mother Theresa that started in 1952.

It has never been broken. Within 48 hours send 20 copies (Or as many as you can - God does know if you don't have 20 people to send it to. It's the effort and intent that counts.) To family and friends.

This is a powerful Novena. Couldn't hurt. Can only help.

Please do not break it.

><>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><

"All that's needed for evil to prevail is for good people to do nothing!" Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with Good.'' Rom 12:21

Unfortunately I didn’t check the database inbox for a week and a half after he sent this so I think that means I am doomed. I’m not sure how poor old Alberto Martinez lost his family, bit absent minded of him really. I guess I’ll have to try and achieve my goals without the help of Mother Theresa.

Father Wogan

A full report on last nights activities as promised….

The team meeting was, as expected, dull and boring and much of it over my head. The clock in the meeting room was also broken and said 4.33pm the whole time we were in there which was like water torture. But it was done by about 5.45pm so at least we were only in there just over an hour.

The free drinks and food afterwards was a much more agreeable affair. I did eat far too much though and was actually in physical pain after finishing my dessert! But the dessert was so good it would have been an offence to the food gods to leave it on my plate. Fact. I also managed to polish off a bottle and a half of a very nice Sauvignon Blanc and had 3 baby Guinness shots with Gunner (it’s Tia Maria with Bailey’s floating on top which gives it the effect of looking like a tiny pint of Guinness – goes down very well, perhaps too well). So I made full use of the freebies of course. Gunner was on about doing a 4th shot at about 10.30pm and my belly was close to exploding so I decided to make my exit at that point. Probably for the best that I did as Gunner was looking more than worse for wear this morning and didn’t get home until 1am!

Freaker, aside from being disappointed there wasn’t some sports based activity he could try and beat me at (I emphasise the word ‘try’) was actually on good form for the evening. This morning he was relaying the story of getting Moon Monkey home last night to us. It took him ages to get the Moon Man out of the pub and then he was stuck with him at the hotel bar for ages. He said he was like some incoherent rambling Irish old man, he compared him to a mix of Father Ted and Terry Wogan, and so this morning we re-named him Father Wogan.

During the course of the evening I discovered some snippets of information including the fact that I am apparently headed towards working more with IS. Really? News to me, thanks for passing that on, it’s always good to know what my job is actually meant to involve. I do a lot of work for IS at the moment. I’m not sure what capacity I would be working with them in, he wasn’t drunk enough to elaborate. We were told in the team meeting that soon we would all be getting personal development plans and objectives set and by Jan everyone’s roles would be changing so perhaps it will become clearer at some stage. Perhaps. I won’t hold my breath.

Gunner (who has recently returned from Dublin on a work based trip) was trying to lay the grounding to get a trip to the Cape Town office and was doing quite well. So well in fact that Father Wogan hinted at other people possibly going – including me! How cool would that be?! I’m definitely not getting my hopes up or going on the word of a drunken Irish monkey but you never know eh?

Oh and we also met Mrs Moon Monkey and baby Moon Monkey. Baby has the misfortune of looking a bit like her father (I think it’s the pudgy baby cheeks) and the Mrs did drop a few hints about never seeing her husband because he’s always away on business. I’m surprised the baby actually recognised him. Mrs MM was very nice though, I didn’t speak to her much as most of the conversation was revolving around babies which I am not interested in and neither did I want to hold the dribbling fattie (as cute as she was). She made a sharp exit before the meal anyways.

So a fairly informative and enjoyable evening. No fisty cuffs and no one fell in the river or disappeared for 24 hours so I think that means a successful evening. We were definitely more reserved than the leaving party for some top bod in the company. Been getting bits of gossip through the company grapevine which include people getting home at 3.30am, some people not managing to get to bed, partying the night away in an 80’s club in the city and my favourite so far – one of the receptionist getting a member of the senior management team in a headlock and ruffling up his hair Benny Hill style. Classic.

I just went to make my lunch and noticed one of the posters they have put up about this new database (the one we have going live on Monday that everyone is dreading) has been vandalised in a rather amusing fashion. It says “Maximo is coming to town…” and has a bunch of giraffes on it (not sure why) and someone has put a speech bubble next to one saying “Oh no!” he he. Gunner reckons there will be a cock drawn on there by the end of the day.

Glad to see that juvenile behaviour is alive and well in the company.

It’s SO unfair

Yesterday I had the pleasure of a 2 hour refresher course on that database training (thankfully sans the fucking idiot man who made my life a living hell for 2 ½ days in the windowless room). I fought to stay awake in the hottest room in the building as I realised I remember very little from the main training course and could possibly be drowning somewhat come Monday when we finally go ‘live’ with this tosh. Luckily we will have some ‘super users’ dotted about the place in red t-shirts to help out. Ginger is one of these and not happy at all about the prospect of the t-shirt or having to help us numpties with a system even she is unsure of. She was so wound up yesterday about it she actually used the ‘c’ word on several occasions (very unlike her) including one time in the main lift when a man from a company on the 2nd floor blushed and hurried out the doors.

Anyway during this refresher course we had a prize draw. This was for everyone who had completed a questionnaire sent out to do with the new system. I answered mine, I’m quite sure that 87% of it was wrong as well but hey it’s the taking part that counts. So everyone who had answered got to put their name on a post-it note, chuck it in a paper cup and have the opportunity to win a bottle of vintage champagne. Guess who wins it? The only person in the room who doesn’t drink fucking alcohol that’s who! Flippin’ Andre. Someone suggested that maybe she could give it to her Mum? Oh no her Mum doesn’t drink much because of her tablets. Right – so maybe offer it up to someone else then? At least let me know it’s going to a good home and won’t just end up in the cat charity tombola on Sunday?! So she gave it to Kirstie, who didn’t even come to the refresher training or fill in the questionnaire.

Yes that is the sound of my foot stomping on the floor you can hear.

In other news we have a department meal and drinks tonight. It’s the carrot on a stick to make us all go to this tedious hour and a half team meeting before hand. Where many subjects I have no idea about will be discussed and once again I will try not to fall asleep or simply watch the old dudes fall asleep and then wake up and pretend they never were. Actually that in itself can be quite amusing so there are some minor distractions to be had at least.
The meal is being held at the same pub we had the ill-fated Christmas party a few years back. When IT Geek lost his glasses to a fisty cuff from someone and then got us all kicked out of the pub during a stand up argument over terrorism with another opponent…well we haven’t been back since. Let’s hope we don’t have any repeat performances tonight (none that involve me anyway). Although with Ginger spouting the ‘c’ word, Kirtsie about to have a meltdown and Gunner in talks with HR about going staff there could still be time for fireworks…. If there is anything newsworthy to report back on tomorrow you shall have it in its full un-edited Technicolor glory.

You’re looking a bit witchy hamster-like…

Ginger and I think that Kirstie looks like an evil witch hamster. She does. Even she admits it. Well she does when she pulls her evil witch hamster face anyway. She was trying to give me evils earlier and I told her “you don’t scare me bitch” so the faces became more and more obscure and eventually she admitted she does a good hamster face. This was then demonstrated and for some reason an evil cackle accompanied it.

And, seeing as it’s my 1st day back after my break and I am sooooo busy and therefore looking for any distraction or procrastination I can get my hands on there followed a series of emails with relevant hamster witch pictures….

So first we have the classic Witch Hamster or Hamster Witch (depending on your preference) complete with hat and wand…

However I was told that we couldn’t see the teeth so it wasn’t true to life enough. People are never happy. So I went on to do a bit more investigating… I like this one, it’s really evil looking:

They liked this one but again a lack of teeth, definitely more menacing though which was the look Kirstie was going for originally.

Then I got a little side tracked…

Then we have no teeth but all the trimmings (I’m afraid the Paint work was not my doing)….

And finally I found the teeth!

Ew. They didn’t like that one. But I think if you combine pictures 1, 2 and 5 you’d get a good impression of what I have to deal with here.

We just showed the new girl who is helping out Kirstie (she’s young and posh but seems to have some brain cells), I’m not sure she knew what to make of it all. Bless. She’ll soon learn I’m sure.

Fanfare please!

Hot gossip straight off the press!!

I have heard through a reliable source (Kristie who heard it off Bog Monkey…) that CJ could be on her way out.

I KNOW!! Looks like someone has been listening to my pleas and finally seen the light!! The annoying, whining, all high and mighty slacker could soon be receiving her P45 in the post.

This week alone she has been taking the piss big style. She was on holiday all last week and then didn’t show on Tuesday (working from home apparently) and now has been ‘off sick’ the past 2 days. What’s the betting she doesn’t show tomorrow either? Amazing the cheek of it.

So the down low is that Moon Monkey has now become very aware of her shenanigans and is none best pleased. All the time off, the loud moaning about how crap this company is and disassociating herself from it even though she’s on the pay roll, just generally being an annoying twat and winding everyone up the wrong way. Plus (and this was news to me), all the prattling on about how busy she is drawing up all these ‘new’ documents? Turns out she’s blatantly been copying and pasting other people’s work into those and claiming it for her own! Her laziness reaches new heights! I’m stunned! Who knows what else she has been occupying her time with? Maybe the copying and pasting is hard work enough and takes it all out of her?

“Right click….aggghhhh……copy……euuugghhh…..right click…..phew……paste!”

I can see why she is so tired all of the time!

Kirstie reckons that Bog Monkey would have let rip about CJ if there had been a conversation had with old Moon Face, he’s not one to keep his feelings to himself. So that should add fuel to the fire (rubs hands with glee). It’s also incredibly handy that Kirstie and Bog M are in regular contact and he seems to trust her with office secrets and gossip (which she of course loyally passes on to me) so I am sure to have new developments on this.

This news has made my Thursday. Not that I’m one to wallow in other people’s misery but you can’t say she hasn’t brought it upon herself can you? I would also like to add:

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Be interesting to see how they handle this one, I doubt she would go quietly. I don’t think she’s capable of doing anything quietly.

As an administrative note I shall be away from all forms of technology until next Wednesday and so the blog will be on a spot of annual leave. Full progress report on my return, I promise.

Slow week

It’s been a very quiet week. First off I’m only here 3 days (hurrah!) and b there’s been nothing going on. I’m trying to rack my brain to think of what may have occurred in the past 2 days and I’m not coming up with much. Hence the lack of blogging, as you know I don’t like to clog for bloggings sake but I also hate to think that you felt I was neglecting you.

How about a little news update….

Well it was Andre’s birthday at the weekend which automatically means cake. And in Andre’s case it means 2 fuck off massive home made cakes. Chocolate this time with the biggest slab of icing ever. I had to eat it in 2 sittings as it was so sweet it made my wisdom teeth ache and my sinuses tingle. All natural ingredients then Andre? Hmmmm? She was on holiday in some European country last week with her mother (who I don’t think had left the M25 in 40 years let alone got on an Easyjet flight) to see the opera. Of course. She got so worked up telling me about it she spat a bit over the cake she was wheeling about, ew. Luckily I already had my slice in front of me and a safe spitting distance from her. Didn’t mention it to Kirstie or Ginger who may have had some extra flavouring in their pieces…

Kirstie reached an all new whinging world record yesterday as well. It was quite phenomenal that I was actually impressed rather than pissed off at times. The big sighs and “what the fuck does this person want?” before she answers the phone and “well when I am still here at 7.30pm…” comments were in full swing. Thank christ they are getting an assistant for her, well temporarily anyway. We got this girl’s CV through and she apparently has a 1st in law and was top of her class every year running with a place with some massive law firm lined up for March. I think Kirstie feels slightly intimidated but as I pointed out the chick’s only been in work a year and just because she’s a boffin doesn’t mean she has any common sense. In fact I sometimes find that smart folk have none whatsoever. Maybe they have to get rid of it to make room for more smarts? She starts next week so I’ll let you know how that goes and if her tea making skills are up to scratch.

The netball co-captain, getting married, crazy lady is er getting married! At last! This Friday so she’s off this afternoon and we had a bit of lunch with her to wish her luck….I mean all the best. She spent most of the lunch talking (surprisingly enough) about how stressed she was about everything and how she had been drinking in the evenings to deal with this. Hmmmmm, possibly not the best tactic for someone who got so hammered at the rounders BBQ social on 3 shandies. Her fiancee’s Irish gyppo family are coming over today and I think they’ve started on the whisky already. I’m sure it will be an interesting day and I look forward to seeing the photo’s on Face Book if the hen do snaps were anything to go by.

And now for the weather….