Lune de la Singe

Just found out that Moon Monkey is taking French lessons!

Pause for hysterical laughter and clutching of ribs and hyperventilating……oohh….oohhhh….it hurts….

A lady in casual wear was shown into one of the meeting rooms by Lune de la Singe (apologies in advance for my butchering of the language of lurve) and so I asked Kirstie who she was. After a quick check of his diary and a jogging of her brain she realised this was in fact his French teacher!

Once again pause for hysterical laughter and clutching of ribs and hyperventilating……oohh….oohhhh….it still hurts….

Oh to be a fly on the wall in that classroom! I can barely understand him in English half the time because he mumbles so much and that thick Irish accent so we can but only imagine what he is sounding like in French! I long to secretly place a dictaphone in the room with them and record his struggled attempts at verbs, simple greetings and asking the way to the library (why was that always such an important key phrase to learn?). As he is scolded by his teacher for his mispronunciation and his frustration at his 27th attempt to tell us how his name is Moon Monkey and he has a pet rabbit called Gerald.

We assume he is learning la French because of the many business trips to said country and others that have this as their native tongue. When I mentioned it to my friend she offered up the idea he might want to have some private conversations with FB. That for some reason had never crossed my mind – probably because I subconsciously block her out. It’s a possibility though, she has been very chatty with him today (in fact she has barely shut up, it’s like she’s swallowed a tape recorder or something – “oh la la!”) and flirting and bum sucking outrageously. It’s a horrific sight to behold and I have been close at certain points in the day to walking over, slapping her and screaming “HAVE YOU NO SHAME YOU HIDEOUS PIXIE TROLL DEMON WOMAN?!” Luckily she predictably snuck out as soon as Moon Monkey had headed off to the airport so the afternoon has been a lot more peaceful.

I have a feeling that if MM does intend to use French to woo FB then he might fail terribly in his quest.

“Er, vou….vou….voulezz vous coucheeeerrrr av….av…ave…..er with moi to be sure?”

No doubt she pretend he had conquered her native tongue (ew I just read that back, it sounds very wrong), that his dulcet tones were comparable to Gerard Depardieu and jump into the sack with him anyway.

“No, no Lune de la Singe, do not speak, just…take me!!”

Barf. You guys have the luck of not knowing what either of these people look like and so can not begin to imagine the rank scene playing out in my head. MAKE IT STOP! Shudder.

Funnily enough after the lesson I asked him to sign something for me and totally unintentionally said “merci!” when he did it. He mumbled a badly pronounced “beaucoup” with no attempt at a French accent and said “see I am learning!” Bless. I just nodded sympathetically and walked away.

Au revoir!