Listen to me carefully, I shall only say this once

I am drunk and therefore this shall be short.

A good day was had by all, even the whingers. Here follows a short synopsis of events:

I slept well, even bereft of my Primarni pyjamas, the bed was good, pillows firm and duvet soft.

When showering I noticed a distinct lack of green slime in the base of my shower and also discovered a ‘steam room’ option which I then accidentally left on and managed to steam out my entire bathroom. Still I was impressed.

Breakfast, whilst a rushed affair (Richard A was waiting outside, tapping his toe by the raptor-mobile) was delish. We all dined thoroughly.

The morning course was good but quite confusing as I find my brain is not one for science, 3D graphs or numbers. But I enjoyed the colouring in.

Swim whined a lot throughout the morning due to tiredness (even thought she slept well), headaches and the fact that “I don’t get any of this” – maybe listen for once instead of texting your boyfriend and you might.

Lunch was again 2 rounds of sandwiches, mainly cheese based but was enjoyed walking through the forest at the base of a Normandy castle (or some era like that – history innit).

A goat threw a rock at me. No really, it did.

The afternoon was spent on beaches and cliff tops in the glorious sunshine looking at various things and stamping on the sand to make it smell like eggy farts.

I found a fossil. It’s well old innit.

In the afternoon Swim didn’t moan so much and in fact almost allowed herself to start enjoying it. Almost.

This evening we have been to a local Italian restaurant with the whole class, paid for by the tutor. Bring on the wine. The food was good but it was no Michelin star dining experience so we did miss our Restaurant With Rooms somewhat but beggars can’t be choosers.

I had a banana split. It was very retro.

I discovered some very top secret information about the company and HR that I can’t tell you. I’m sworn to secrecy, have to kill you if I told you an all that.

Very amusing cab journey on the way home with Kenneth doing some animal impressions (he does an excellent monkey).

Our Restaurant with Rooms seems to be overtaken by drunken Ascot Races people; they’re just kicking out now. SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!

Tomorrow is the last day of the course and there is talk of a presentation. I’m concerned, we’re all concerned. We may have to actually remember things we were told between the meals and walks on the beach...

This may be my last communication with you until next week. I’ll try and write tomorrow but I can’t promise anything and wouldn’t like to in case I disappoint. So farewell from the Jurassic Coastline and I shall speak to you again when I am on concreted, polluted soil.