Ireland

Well I had my lovely 17 days away from work and then as soon as I return I am whisked away to the Emerald Isle! Over to the offices in Ireland to help out the poor wee Paddy’s and their CrapBags issues, of which it appears there are many. Gunner managed to bag us the trip and so one afternoon I am booking the flights and then the next morning I am wandering around my bedroom at 4.30am bleary eyed and trying to finish packing for a 6.30am flight.

Now the idea of jetting off to Ireland for 3 days makes it sound like I have finally made it in this corporate lifestyle of mine. Next stop air miles and business class and long lunches paid for by the director of a big wig company. This could possibly be a misleading image as the trip actually consisted of an economy seat on a budget airline, a hotel on an industrial estate, an office on the same industrial estate, a dual carriageway, Thai restaurant and Spa supermarket. Hmmmm, not really what I had in mind.

The ridiculously early flight was so that we could be in the office by 9.30am. Entirely unnecessary but we have to look as though we’re not just going over for a jolly (really if I wanted a jolly there are other parts of Ireland I would have picked). Luckily the company at least paid for a cab to collect me at 5am and take me to the airport which played some Linkin Park for most of the way. The flight was pretty uneventful, during which I read the in-flight magazine and nodded off. A couple of times letting my head loll forward in quite an embarrassing manner. At least I didn’t drool.

The Ireland office is something out of an early 90’s Wall Street movie, a small space of rat run corridors and hideously green partitions. We managed to find a couple of spare desks which had been neglected and so half the gear sat there didn’t work. My VDU was fairly temperamental and if I picked up my coffee cup would sometimes fizz and switch off.

The people over there seemed nice enough, all very friendly. Although this was mixed with a certain amount of rage, frustration and madness over CrapBags. As expected we were there for people to vent at over the problems they had with the system but I did get the opportunity to actually help a few people. I think 3 days ma have been slightly over the top though, it all could have been done in a day. There was one woman in particular who I am now regretting being introduced to who is a very posh version of Andre. She says “orf” instead of “off”. That’s how posh she is. Not posh Irish, posh English. Not sure what a posh Irish person would sound like. But I digress… This posh Andre turned out to be a pain in the butt and at one point I was able to use the hideously green partitions to my advantage and hide from her while she was harassing Gunner. He got his own back later on though when she cornered me between the photocopier and watercooler.

The hotel was nice enough, a lot nicer than I expected actually as the outside makes it look like a mustard coloured council office. For some reason no one could explain to me there was a life sized model of a cow with a jockey on it in the reception area. The room was standard and boiling hot, as all hotel rooms in the UK are and I had a half nice view of the mountains.

When I said earlier that there was the hotel, office, Thai restaurant and Spa I wasn’t joking. That is all there is there. Oh sorry and a sandwich shop for lunch times. Therefore you have the option of the Thai or the hotel restaurant for dinner. Luckily me and Gunner were only there 2 nights so it was one and then the other (all on expenses of course) but I feel sorry for some of the guys who are there on a more permanent basis from the London office. Take one such gent who spends at least 3-4 days most weeks there. He comes in from the south coast every Monday and checks into the hotel and goes home on the Friday. Most of the time he’s the only one in the hotel from the company so he has no drinking buddies like me and Gunner for the few days we were there. His life consists of the following:

Check into hotel

Walk 1 minute to the office

Complete working day with optional visit to sandwich shop or Spa at lunchtime (20 second walk away)

Walk 1 minute back to hotel

Dine alone in Thai restaurant or hotel

Drink at bar / watch TV in room

Bed

Some days, if it is raining heavily then he walks through the hotel car park to the adjoining office car park so he doesn’t have to even go outside.

After 3 days I was depressed, I think if I was doing it more long term I might have grown a drinking problem, an addiction to bad Irish soap operas and aversion to Asian food. Poor sod.

So they ranted and they raved and they thanked us for our help and we returned on another budget airline and I managed to stay awake for that one. When I arrived at the airport there was a man with a sign with my name on and who kindly took my bag and carried it to the cab and dropped me at my door. That’s definitely a first for me. Next stop Cape Town….