FB part 2

OK so you may have to bear with me today as I’ve just got back from lunch (it’s Friday remember?) where I had to neck a pint of cider because I was lagging and everyone wanted to get back. So the typing skills are not at their sharpest today. Ladybum’s last day today (officially, no more extra weeks) and yesterday he was promising to buy everyone lunch but by 12.45pm today he hadn’t made any movements and we were getting hungry and itching for a drink so we upped and went shouting things like “SHALL WE GO TO THE PUB THEN?” as we walked – no effect so we had a drink on his behalf. Tight arse. Actually probably wrong phrase to use seeing that as his arse is anything butt (that’s a deliberate mistake by the way…)

Anyway I’m rambling. I was going to tell you all about FB and Mr Breakdown’s demise and the gossip and scandal that went on behind these walls not so long ago. You’ve got the background – FB’s a bitch whore from hell, Mr B’s a weak willed married man on the verge of a mental collapse. He is under her charm and willing to do her bidding within the company much to the amusement and then fury of her colleagues.

As I mentioned before FB managed to get 4, no 5 people sacked/to leave last year. The first was a ‘redundancy’ which was 2 people to start but Gunner managed to hang on in there. Then the next 3 were the aftermath of the climax of lunacy that surrounded these love birds. The latter is a tale of madness and disbelief and I tell no lies in this blog (where would be the fun in that? The truth is always far more interesting) so the following is FACT.

Last summer I was still a wee young temp and after my sidekick jumped ship to go travelling (she was a whipper snapper, 18 years old) I gained another partner in crime in the form of an older NZ lady called Cathy (not really, you know how this works by now). Lovely lady, hysterically funny, always up for a laugh and a chat and a gossip and looking to enjoy the good things in life. I liked her. She sat where CJ sits now and didn’t irritate me in the least – ah how I long for the olden days.

So Cathy was here a good few months before she encountered FB’s wrath. I was actually off work the day it happened and so came back in the following week and she filled me in. At the time rumours were rife about Mr B and FB and gossip spread like wild fire and most recently, just after Cathy was employed SNB had made a hasty exit from the company. I came in one morning and Gunner dragged me into a meeting room to tell me:

“SNB’s been sacked”
“What?!”
“Yeah they had a meeting with her yesterday afternoon and told her to go, by the time she had got back to her desk they’d shut down her computer and told her to leave the building”

Ah the joys of corporate working – fuck you very much and goodbye.

It was no coincidence that a few days previously SNB had put in a formal compliant to Mr B about FB. Her time keeping was shit (worse than mine in fact), she’d create her own working hours and so many people had complained about her SNB felt something had to be done. Error. Hello P45 and swift booting from the building. We were all shocked, we all liked her as scary as she was and she was good at her job, seemed like a daft move on the companies part.

So a couple of months down the line and the loathing and hatred for FB has grown and grown and the gossip as well. So this particular Friday morning poor Cathy is lured by FB into a meeting room on the premise that she wants to talk to her about some work. No, no, no. Never fall for that one. And if you do make sure you’re wired and have a sock with a snooker ball in it in your hand. FB proceeds to accuse Cathy of spreading rumours about her and Mr B. Cathy very wisely denies all knowledge and also very truthfully states it wasn’t her who started any rumours. FB demands to know what she has heard etc etc. Eventually Cathy says she has had enough of this unprofessional behaviour and goes to leave the room. FB physically bars the door and tries to push Cathy back and Cathy barges her way past. Told you – GBH.

Cathy’s thinking on her feet now so she tells Gunner all about it and he says to speak to our supervisor when he’s back in on Monday. She tells me all this Monday morning and then we watch FB frogmarch the supervisor into a meeting room. Cathy does the same afterwards and is told that he will have to speak to Mr B about this. Fuck. No chance then.

What followed was a meeting between the 4 of them where these 2 managers allowed FB to start shouting at Cathy again and sling accusations at her and eventually Cathy got up again and left the room. Whilst this was happening I was leaving early for the day and as I was making a swift exit Kirstie says to me “are you not going to this 4pm meeting?” what 4pm meeting? Mr B had emailed round (funnily enough excluding me) telling everyone to attend a team meeting at 4pm. So as Cathy stormed out Mr B caught her and said “we’re having a team meeting now and you have to attend”.

Guess what the meeting was about? That’s right Mr B sat back and let FB have full reign in front of the entire department saying how things had been made up about her and people were spreading lies. If it wasn’t bad enough she then named names and physically pointed out Cathy AND another member of staff who wasn’t even aware he was involved in all of this! THEN she went round the room asking people to comment. Gunner said people’s mouths were literally on the floor and they walked out shaking their heads and commenting on Mr B’s state of mind. I’m sorry I missed it, I would have been happy to give feedback on what a bare faced liar FB is and how I would be going to HR first thing the next day.

Obviously Cathy was rather shaken up by all of this and worried on how it would affect her. We urged her to go to HR to at least make an informal complaint which she did. HR were gobsmacked and urged her to make a formal complaint but this would involve interviewing people and would ‘not be a comfortable exercise’ so being a lady who was moving back to NZ and had seen enough workplaces to know when to walk out did just that. It was a shame as I think we could have taken FB to the cleaners but I can also understand the stress she was under. The guy FB accused went a few months later – a parting gesture on Mr B’s side. Think he was glad to get out of here. Happy times.

Once HR had got wind of all this though and so that was the beginning of the end for Mr B. Sick days turned into sick weeks and eventually he was signed off for stress, never to return. Whilst FB got hers a little while later with the move abroad and halving of the salary BUT SHE’S STILL HERE! Seems that it’s not experience and knowledge and a go getting survival technique that helps you get by in this business, its blowjobs.

SNB is now working happily for another company for more money in Italy and suing the company for wrong dismissal. The other accused member of staff took off 2 months to holiday in France and is comfortably employed elsewhere. The redundancy lady has had a baby and Cathy is now running a tour bus company in NZ with her hubby and enjoying the sunny views from her balcony. In the days before she moved back to NZ and was doing some more temping she managed to end up working with Mr B’s wife’s best friend – but that’s another story.