Stick, stick, give us the stick!

I think the Moody NZ guy is close to smacking CJ in the face. I’m standing buy with my video camera just in case he does so keep your eyes peeled on YouTube. You can feel the people around the office willing him on, it’s in the atmosphere, I’m sure I’ve seen some clenched fists and a raised hand once or twice out of the corner of my eye. Go on Moody, do it. Do it, do it, do it…..it’s like some faint tribal chant.

This isn’t something that’s come out of the blue, it’s been building since day one when she plonked herself down between me and Moody and he introduced himself. They actually share a lot of common traits in some respects. They both talk to themselves (I have to admit Moody’s is bordering on looking like a crazy and he also laughs at work emails), they both generally go on a lot when you ask them a question and were hoping for a nice short and succinct answer and they both have a good knowledge of what they do (although Moody trumps CJ on this due to age and experience). However, that is where the similarities end. Moody might be moody but I can forgive him for that as he’s close to retirement and has been putting up with the same old shit for years on end. He’s got a right to be grumpy and have a moan and be negative and pessimistic – hell when I reach his age I plan to do the same. CJ on the other hand is just plain fucking irritating and down right rude – give me moody any time.

They talk to each other a lot about various work things and tend to disagree on everything. CJ will always take the line that she is right all the time and has always done it better than any other way (smack her Moody, go on!) and Moody will say that it’s always done that way, you can’t change it, don’t fight the system etc. CJ will talk to Moody in an incredibly patronising manner like he’s some 18 year old intern or something and Moody will politely argue his case without having to resort to being a patronising bitch (see CJ it can be done!). He’s always polite, he’ll turn something into a joke if he sees her getting her knickers in a twist, and he lets her think she’s won a lot of the time just for a quiet life. He even lets her be rude enough to blatantly not listen to him. She’ll turn back to her computer mid conversation and start working on something and just throw in the 3 million “yeah’s” ever 5 seconds – personally I’d haul her up on this with a “are you listening to me?!” but he just carries on regardless and eventually gets the hint and stops talking.

So we have Moody having to put up with:

Patronising talk
Being told he is wrong all of the time
Her little tantrums
The words “yeah” and “darling” being used at least 400 times every minute
Rude behaviour
The gacking (he must hear it too surely?)
Having to hear how amazing and wonderful she is and how the company couldn’t survive without her
Everyone moaning at him because she’s not in AGAIN

This has been going on for almost 3 months now on a daily basis (except when she’s not here so lets call it 1 month) which doesn’t seem that long in the grand scheme of things. But imagine that at you, 7 hours a day 5 days a week, in your face, you can’t escape.

I think Moody’s patience has finally run out.

This week she has taken to questioning him about everything and seems to be taking on the role of a second wife. She keeps pulling him up on talking to himself “Are you talking to yourself again Moody?!” in some haughty tone. Er can I point out that you too in fact talk to yourself? Pot, kettle, black? “Don’t be so negative Moody” – you try working in this industry for 40 years without a trace of cynicism luv, don’t question the man and his attitude. “Are you OK Moody?” This one has been asked on a fairly frequent basis, not sure why, maybe she can sense the violent vibes coming from his every pore and is scared for her life. She should be. His answers are getting shorter and curter and you can see the fuse fizzing closer and closer to the TNT.

I think maybe I should suggest some good come backs or questions he could ask her:

“Are you talking with your mouth full again?”
“You’ve just turned up at 11am moaning about traffic and you’re leaving at 4pm?”
“And stop sighing, no-one cares if you have lots of work to do”

I think they might work; it might lessen his need to ram a sharp stick in her eye. But then I’m 50/50 about wanting to see the sharp stick. Hell who am I kidding BRING ON THE STICK!!

P.S. Her mobile has just gone off at a ridiculously high volume with “Sweet Child of Mine” blaring across the office. Profuse apologies from her and Moody turns and says “could you turn it up, I can’t quite hear it”. Moody 1 - CJ 0.