Whine flu

There’s a freak disease going round the office, both Saffa and CJ are off sick at the moment and Ladybum’s been hacking more than usual. Yesterday I really thought he was close to death, there was wheezing and coughing and fleming and god knows what coming from his side of the desk partition. Then it all went quiet and I was considering (only considering mind) leaping into First Aider action when the familiar laboured breathing started up again and normality was resumed.

I guess illness is inevitable in a building encased in sealed windows and with air conditioning. All those freak germs circulating around the place, landing on your coffee mug and lunch. Plus when they use the photocopier before you or hand you a document they’re transferring disease like those irresponsible people on those Dettox adverts, leaving green finger prints all over the place (what is up with those adverts anyway? I mean jesus, if you can’t sneeze in your own home without your mother gassing you in a bleach spray then there’s something wrong with the world).

I have been protecting myself against the onslaught of infection by taking my vitamin C like my mother always nagged me to, drinking plenty of water, eating fruit and trying to spend as little time as possible around these people. Unfortunately the latter is a little harder to achieve as my job tends to have me tied to my desk with minimal movement. On very bad days I like to hide myself in the stacks and pretend to be filing so there is always that solitude if I so need it. I am thinking about creating some kind of anti-freak deterrent that could be assembled around me. Perhaps an enormous bubble that would hold me, my chair, computer and desk? Or some kind of fort to build up around my work area (Andre could help me put it together and we could have battlements and flags and a moat)? If I wanted to go for simpler and less effort I could always just have a sign on my desk saying FUCK OFF FREAKS? That could work. I could even take a leaf out of the Nazi Dettox Mum’s book and create an anti-freak spray that I could carry around on a utility belt, along with my face mask (to stop spraying bits of banana), i-pod, smelling salts and gun (you never know).

The 2 days of no CJ have been blissfully quiet and calm though. Everyone who sits in her immediate vicinity has welcomed the break and long may it continue. If we’re lucky she’ll get snowed in at the end of the week and we’ll have another couple of days without her. I know this isn’t going to do me any good though, I’ll get used to the quiet and when she gets back it’ll be 10 times worse and I have no doubt she will be whinging on about how ill she was, as though no other person on the planet had been sick before. Still, until then I will continue to enjoy the distinct absence of gacking and sighing.

Sigh. Oh christ, is that a symptom?!