Me love you long time!

CJ offered me a massage this morning.

CJ: “Nancy you’re a full time member of staff aren’t you?”
Nancy “Er yeah, last time I checked”
CJ: “What are you doing at 11.40am today for 20 minutes?”

Quick think of something, think of something….

Nancy “Er nothing”

Damn.

CJ: “Would you like a lovely wellbeing massage?”
Nancy: “Excuse me?”
CJ: “I have a massage booked at 11.40am today but I can’t make it, would you like to go instead?”
Nancy: Sounding dubious “What does it involve?”
CJ: “Well you sit on a darling bean bag and they put headphones on you and you listen to soothing music and soothing voices (when she says this bit she makes a face that looks like the little old man in The Emperor’s New Groove – “beware the gooooove!” – if you haven’t seen it look it up, class film) and someone gives you a head, shoulder and neck massage.”
Nancy: “Do I have to pay for it?”
CJ: “No, it’s free, it’s all part of the wellbeing week”
Nancy: “erm….”

Now as much as this sounds nice for some reason she has freaked me out a bit by offering it to me and now I don’t want it.

CJ: “Go on, it’ll be lovely, really nice and relaxing” (The goooove, beware the groooove!)
Nancy: “I’ll pass CJ it’s not really my thing you know”
CJ: “Oh, er ok, are you sure? It’s just that when I realised I couldn’t go I thought of you!”

Me screaming internally.

Nancy: “Yeah thanks anyway – why don’t you try Ginger? She loves that kind of thing”

Mercifully she does and Ginger accepts although after a very similar conversation where she sounded incredibly doubtful about the whole thing and emailed me straight after saying “Er what just happened there?....Massage?!”

Strange how this woman brings out the worst in me, I couldn’t have been any more uninterested or ungrateful when she offered me this perfectly reasonable free massage. What’s wrong with a free massage?! Maybe it’s because initially I thought she might be offering me one herself, maybe it’s because as soon as she says “what are you doing at 11.40am?” I get on the defensive because the thought of being stuck in a meeting room with her is unbearable? This probably just goes to prove how much she winds me up.

I stopped feeling guilty when she started gacking on her lunch and the sighing through her nose started she sounded like a horse – WTF?!