And the award for Most Tardy Member of Staff goes to……………
CJ! For her extraordinary entrance to the office today at 1.32pm! This woman needs no introduction; her reputation precedes her as does the sound of her clomping down the office and the enormous sigh as she flops into her swivel chair. With an unbroken record of lateness and lame excuses CJ has been a leading light in the arena of time keeping for the best part of 2010 and it looks like she’ll be hanging on to this title for quite a while to come! Who can forget the amazing tales of broken windscreens and headlamps, of accidents on the motorway, not being able to get out of bed before 9am and of course the terrible journey into work each day.
CJ has also decided to take her role to the next level and recently we’ve also seen a spate of days where she hasn’t turned up for work at all! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, she chooses to ‘work from home’ rather than come into the office to avoid the commute! Astounding! Never have we seen such an example of bare faced laziness in the work place – and still the management say nothing!
Along with this award we must also remember CJ’s previous accolades including “Worst Eating Habits Ever”, “Self-Obsessed Twat”, “Loudest Sigh in the Northern Hemisphere” and the award for “The Word “Yeah” said the Most Times in One Phone Conversation”. Her trophy cabinet is going to need an extra shelf at this rate!
So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado I welcome on stage the food spraying, stomping, sighing, clueless retard herself – please be upstanding (and watch out, she’s been eating the horderves!) for……….CJ!
* Rapturous applause as the camera pans to her at her table, stuffing bread rolls into her gob and taken by surprise as she hasn’t been listening to her introduction. She exclaims something so we can see the half chewed bread inside her mouth, turns to kiss someone on the table who recoils in horror then stands up, falls up the stairs to the stage, stomps across to the podium and snatches the award out of he hosts hand *
“What a darling award…..”
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ohh now wse are starting to feel the tension. surely she cannot get away with that her punctuality and her bed side manners leave a little somethink to be desired me personally i dont think i would be able to hold my tounge. and my scouse charm would certainly get the better of me... and as for teh trophy cabinet all it would contain would be her P45. I DESPISE bone idol fookers those whom just do fook all and leave it to others to take up the slack / i think her ship may well be sailing soon as managment dont miss that much....... do they?
ReplyDeleteOh my god, she takes the pizzle pho dizzle! WHY isn't anyone taking any notice and letting her off?? i cant stand that sighing thing as well as though that person has the world on their shoulders when they have put 50% (possibly more)less effort into the day than everyone else in their environment. The day of reckoning must surely be upon her soon!!
ReplyDeleteWell here’s hoping! Today she rocked up at 1.13pm. Kirstie has been taking note (any day she turns up past midday goes down as an absence) and over the past month and a half, since she’s been taking a record CJ has been off for 5 unauthorised days! I take less sick leave in a year!
ReplyDeleteI’d like to say she’ll get a boot up her arse (or the boot) but she’s been doing it since December so why would they start taking an interest now? Or maybe that’s the worn down cynic in me speaking?
I’ll keep you posted.