‘Phase One’ completed

Operation ‘Saffa’s Secrets Revealed’ is underway. I have the exciting news that next Wednesday, the evening of our bowling japers, Saffa plans to stay in London and so will be able to consume alcoholic beverages. My top spy on the floor, Kirstie found out this information and relayed it via email:

“I had a chat with Saffa last night and she said she’s going to arrange to stay in London next Wednesday night, I suggested we could have a slumber party, braid each others hair, sit up and chin wag all night, but she just laughed at me!!”

She was of course jesting but this immediately brought to mind an image of the three of us piling back to Kirstie’s and then sitting up all night watching The Breakfast Club and painting our nails, which is not the way the evening will end up.

Shame, I haven’t watched The Breakfast Club for ages. Or done my nails for that matter.

But I digress (for a change), Kirstie is planning to sort the teams out next week and will ensure that she, I and Saffa are in the same lane so that our evil plan can be put into action. The plan being beers, sambuca shots and then when she is wasted enough, pointed questions to plug Saffa for information on those flowers; the mystery blonde and just what happened those days she was missing from the office. We now just have to think of a way of bringing up a suitable topic of conversation about significant others and stuff. I have offered to get drunk with Saffa so it doesn’t look suspicious when we make her do shots (well it’s the least I can do) and am just hoping that I can drink her under the table (I’m not too concerned on this front) so I can remember what she says and it doesn’t end with me spilling my life story instead.

Yes, this plan needs to be fool proof…..or made by fools? Well it’s going to be one of the two and executed with military precision if we are to succeed and reach our ultimate goal! Gossip! Yes gossip for us all! And I include you in this readers, I’m doing this as much for you as I am myself because I know you’re just as intrigued to know what’s going. Plus I’ve built this up to such a level that I am shit scared I might wake up on Thursday morning with nothing. No, no, think positive Nancy, it will happen, we will be victorious!

So with all this in place that just leaves one question – where does Saffa plan to stay in London next Wednesday night? Perhaps she’ll be bunking up with a mystery blonde? Hopefully all shall be revealed.

I shall as always endeavour to bring you nothing but the truth in all its sordid scandalous detail.