Dear Santa...

There’s good news and there’s bad news. Actually wait, no... there’s just bad news I’m afraid.

In my absence last week, whilst I was wiling away the hours of my flexi Friday waiting for the boiler man to arrive (and of course he didn’t until 4.50pm) my mind wandered for a moment to my workplace – I know it’s an unhealthy habit and I need to kick it somehow – and to the Temp and her interview. I hoped and prayed that she’d nail it, wow the HR team with her know how and interview razzmatazz and come Monday I would arrive to find her desk empty and a note thanking me for all my help with her preparation. Unfortunately this was not to be.

Instead I arrived to an empty desk (oh joy!) but then realised this was only because she wasn’t due in until 9am (oh arse). I waited the polite amount of time before asking Kirstie how Temp had got on (I let her take off her coat and power up her computer) and was met with a grave expression. Oh god, what did she do?

Turns out the interview ended up being an ‘informal chat’ which lasted all of 3 minutes. Temp was gone and back in 15 minutes and it took 10 of that to walk to and from the other building. The line they gave her was that they had decided that as they needed someone to start immediately they were going to take on a temp and then look to re-advertise in January. Hmmmm. And they only realised this on the morning of her interview? After 2 weeks of waiting about? Hang on, if my Clueless skills do me any justice then I think there could be another agenda here, I smell a rat and I think it might be an Arsenal supporter shaped rat...

“Gunner?”

Why Gunner why? We were so close to getting rid of her and you blew it. We could have had peaceful mornings back, the inane chatter would be gone from our walls for at least 90% of the day (well I’d be expecting her to pop back every now and again to torment me) and I would be able to get on with some work without answering a question about British popular culture every 4 minutes.

“Well HR rang me and asked me what she was like....”

That’s it, the death toll. Nail in the coffin.

“So I told them that while the work was getting done....well.....she was just....really fucking annoying. I mean it; she’s really starting to get on my bloody nerves now.”

“So wouldn’t the logical thing to be to tell them she is lovely and let some other department put up with her?”

“Nah she’d never get on with Deborah – can you imagine them working together?” He has a point. “Anyway she’s gone after Christmas, even if there is more work to do, I can’t bear it for much longer.”

Scrooge. Well bah humbug to you Gunner, I’ll remember next time she’s got you trapped in a conversation about how she petted reindeer in ‘C-ovent Garden’ this weekend and how “OH MY GOD THEY WERE SO CUTRE AND I WAS SOOOO EXCITED, IT WAS AWESOME AND THEN WE SAW THE LIGHTS IN REGENT STREET AND I WAS SCREAMING ‘OH MY GOD IT’S THE LION KING!!’ AND THEN WHEN I GOT UP CLOSE I REALISED IT WAS NARNIA AND I WAS LIKE – OH – BUT IT WAS STILL SO AWESOME!” And you have that look on your face like you want to do anything to stop her talking, you want to get out your chair and walk away but can’t see any available exits.

I’ll remember.

Soooo. The first half hour of my day was spent listening to Temp’s weekend events, Temp’s interview and Temp’s flight she has booked for Christmas to Munich and what a great deal she got. I also heard some pointless story about a woman who once conned her friend into forging a medical certificate, was asked at least 8 times if it was getting colder in the office, had my own conversations with other people interrupted with a “did you just say....?” on various occasions, was subjected to the story of the green lever arch file and only had a small reprieve when she went to get some lunch for 20 minutes. I even stayed late in the office just to enjoy the silence and managed to get done in that 40 minutes more than I had achieved in the previous 4 hours.

Still there’s only 5 weeks until Christmas. If I’m a very good girl maybe Father Christmas will give us peace and good will for the New Year?