Like a bit of posh?

We have another temp started here this week – another one? How many does Gunner need (one for each hand according to Kirstie – dirty minded girl that she is)? This one is very posh. She seems quite young and impressionable (oh dear) and nervous (hmmm) and prim and proper (riiiight) and we’re all a little concerned she might be a bit too posh for the band of reprobates that make up this department. Kirstie is especially worried (well, take the ‘hand’ comment as case one) about the posh-o-meter.

I for one don’t think posh necessarily means she’ll mind the odd pubic hair reference* or swear, I think it’s her prim and proper and innocent appearance that could be a problem. Temp number one has spoken to her and said “yeah she’s really nice, fair dinkum!” (well maybe I made the latter part of the sentence up but I wouldn’t put it past her) and then has repeatedly told me this – like I don’t believe her.

“She’s really nice you know”
“I don’t doubt that she is”
“I spoke to her the other day and she seems really cool”
“Good for her, why are you trying to convince me of this? Do I need convincing?”

Does she think I have passed judgement already without having even spoken to the girl? Harsh. I haven’t had the chance yet to acquaint myself with the newbie (that sounded seedy, I didn’t intend it to…) and she’s off today as she’s gone on a ‘Hens Do’ according to Temp 1. “A hens do? Do you mean a Hen do? Or is there more than one hen?” Confused expression that I have grown so accustomed to over the past 3 weeks. So the run down on Temp 2 shall have to wait until next week when I’ve managed to back her into a corner and give her 20 questions (again, not meaning to be seedy). I’m predicting, recently graduated, local girl with private education background, plans to go travelling at some stage and lives with her parents. Not that I’m pre-judging. I’m sure she’s very nice. In fact I’ve been told (many times now) that she’s very nice.

Temp 1 continues to talk consistently. I’m not the only one picking up on it now, even Kirstie is getting tired of it. She thinks we need to say something to Temp 1 about it. “I mean it’s fine if we’re sat here working and having the odd conversation but she can’t stand around chatting to people all the time, she’ll get into trouble and it’s also fucking annoying.” This was being whispered while Temp 1 had Ginger cornered talking about some guy she’s seeing or some food she misses from Australia or some ‘quirky’ English thing like brown sauce. I agree with Kirstie but I’m not going to be the one to tell the girl to shut the hell up. For starters I think she’ll take it to heart and possibly never speak again (hmmmm, this might not be a bad thing) and get quite upset and paranoid about it and for seconds I’m not her boss or line manager and I’m not going to be the bad person in this. Ok, ok so I’m also a bit of a wimp but at least I admit it. To be honest we’re more worried someone important like Moon Monkey or Harley will notice and she’ll get in real trouble which wouldn’t be cool.

Maybe if she just swapped places with the other temp who seems very quiet – ideal situation. Someone else gets to listen to her go on and on about whatever it is that’s important to a 24 year old Australian living in the UK and I get to watch my language and drop the rude jokes and cock references…..hang on a minute…that might not be so good. To get rid of the incessant chatter or become a clean living, well behaved, good little colleague?

Damn. Well I guess I can invest in some ear plugs.

* I should probably explain the pubic hair. Some how (and I really can’t for the life of me remember exactly how) Kirstie and I got talking about Moon Monkey’s pubic hair the other day. As you do. I think we were chatting about him looking older than he is. Kirstie especially likes to dwell on this as he is 3 years younger than her but looks 13 years older. Apparently he used to tell people he was 52 just so they would say “oh wow you don’t look it!” but now they seem to have stopped doing that and so he’s knocked it on the head (he’s 40). Soooo (that’s it I remember now), we were trying to think why he looks so old and Kirstie reckons it’s because he’s got grey hair and grey chest hair (it pops out the top of his shirt when he takes his tie off on social occasions – retch) and then this of course leads to the question “do you reckon his pubes are grey too?”

Can I point out I wasn’t the one to ask this question.

The thought of MM pubic hair actually made me feel physically ill and I got one of those involuntary shudders of disgust. At this point Temp had wandered over to see what we were talking about (if you’re talking and she can’t hear you she will always want in on the conversation) adding fuel to the fire and so Kirstie surged on with this new found topic. I chose to turn back to my computer and block out everything they were saying, trying to think of kittens and rainbows and happy thoughts and rid my mind of Monkey pubes. But in the peripheral of my hearing I hear “what about Moody then? Ha ha!” More retching and shuddering and my cue to get a very important document from the other side of the office.

ENOUGH!

And dear readers with that parting thought I shall bid you all a good weekend x