Stupid Bloody Questions Day

I’m afraid I didn’t get the memo about Stupid Bloody Questions Day and so was not prepared for the barrage of ridiculous comments, queries and statements that have come from my left all morning. Seriously, I had no idea one person could talk so much shat and seem so clueless. It’s like dealing with an 11 year old and all with kid gloves in case she gets upset. If I don’t turn with a huge smile on my face and a “yes how can I help you?” straight away she looks like I have threatened to drown her kittens. If she hasn’t been in tears by the end of the month because I’ve asked her to ‘wait 5 minutes’ I will be surprised.

A snippet of the bollocks I have had to put up with today:

“Is Kingston colder than the rest of London?”

“Should I chase these people for this contract (this has been her job for the past 3 weeks)?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t you?”

“Well I thought they might be special”

“You know that guy I am seeing? He’s never seen the movie Anchor Man.”

“Hey why don’t you give that Vendor Database email to your stalker and pretend it’s your actual email address?”

“Why would I want to encourage him to contact me in any way, shape or form?”

“I dunno….”

“Hey I told the post room guy I could share your pigeon hole is that ok?”

Do I have any choice in the matter?

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You look really moody.”

Only when you’re in the room.

“I can’t find this PO on CrapBags, I’ve checked everywhere but it won’t come up”

“What’s the number?”

“1234”

I look and find it straight away.

“I had a dream about a flying school bus that took me to work.”

Kirstie is having a small rant about Moon Monkey that does not involve Temp, I have my back to Temp and suddenly Kirstie’s expression changes and she says “Yeah why?” I turn around to see Temp with her ‘close to tears’ expression on her face and holding up a post-it note saying “Are U OK? :( “

A) Just ask, there is no need for passing notes, we’re not in Geography class any more

B) Butt out – this conversation does not involve you and still doesn’t

In response to an email sent round about World Aids Day for which I have volunteered and accidentally let slip this information:

“Do they still want volunteers?!”

“Er, probably not I’m sure there was a deadline”

She furiously types out an email asking if they need any more. I consider intercepting this and politely advising them to decline her offer.

“I wish I could look good in a Onesey (for those of you not in the fashion know how – this was me up until 2pm today – a Onesey is the new ‘must have’ of the cat walk that basically resembles an adult sized baby grow and will put you back £100. I would openly laugh and point at people wearing them in public.)”

And of course the ‘Um’. This prefixes anything she is about to say or ask me. It’s like a warning signal that she is about to talk. Quite often I have noticed the “Ummm….” Is followed by a huge pause - almost like she is trying to pull together all the words in her brain in to a coherent sentence. Then FINALLY when I have looked at her, waited and said “yes?!” she will continue but at the volume of a field mouse so I then have to ask her to repeat it 12 times. Kirstie is sure this is all a bid for attention, I think it’s just because Temp is a fucking idiot. You can form your own personal opinion.