WTF?!

I am slightly concerned that the Temp bashing might be getting a bit tiresome for everyone. God knows I am starting to bore myself with it and would never like to be labelled a whinger. However, it seems the blogs I get the biggest or most positive feedback on tend to be the ones where I’m ranting about a particular member of staff (well I guess that’s why you tune in) and to be fair there is not much else going on around here to report so in true British style I’m going to carry on regardless!

Actually that was a small white lie, there have been other newsworthy occurrences here at Freak Headquarters so I’ll try and sneak those in today as well. I’ll try my damndest.

So. Temp bashing.

(Wow can you imagine if that was actually a legal sport or we took the term literally?! Oh the fun we could have! Wooden spoon at the ready!)

Anyway, small digression, back to the subject in hand. Temp came in this morning at about 9.30am which is a bit late in her books. She was very quiet and wearing glasses which I haven’t seen before. They have those lenses in them that make her eyes look massive, like some comedy specs you’d get at a fancy dress shop turning your pupils into saucers (and before I get any hate mail for abusing the disabled I am myself a 4 eyed speccy geek so I am allowed to poke fun at my own kind – it’s the law) and are quite alarming to look at. Every time I have to turn to speak to her it scares me slightly, it’s like she is trying to read my mind with those peepers or possibly has some x-ray vision…eugh, weird.

Again digressing, sorry I get hauled up in the details sometimes. You may have noticed.

I then remembered that last night she went to the company social outing to a Comedy Club in town. Ahhhh, perhaps a trifle hung over? No? As it happens she got sick (not due to alcofrol) half way through the evening and so spent most of it in the ladies and then sat at the back of the room waiting for it all to finish (her bag was in the middle of the room and I think the prospect of getting picked on by a crap comedian might have been too much to bear). She’s still feeling rough today. Right then – so perhaps a nice quiet day for me?! Maybe she’ll even go home sick early if I’m very lucky?! Not to be. It appears that even in ill health she manages to annoy, whitter and get far too excited about crap. My ‘WFT?’ tally has been going up and up recently….

Temp: “I thought someone just said ‘Westfields on Sunday’”
Nancy: “In relation to what?”
Temp: “Oh nothing, it’s just EXCITING – something might be going on”

WTF?

Or yesterday when she had just discovered those voucher code sites where you can get 241 deals on restaurants:

Temp: “Did you know about these websites?”
Nancy: “Er yeah, they’ve been around for years”
Temp: “It’s AMAZING I can afford to eat out again!”
Nancy: “Cool”
Temp: “You can get 2 meals for £10 at the slug and lettuce”
Nancy: “Yeah I try never to pay full price eating out any more”
Temp: “It’s sooooo cooooooool!”
Nancy: “…..Uhuh”
Temp: “This is the best day of my life!” (she seriously said that)
Nancy: “Er ok, calm down…”
Temp: “What? I’m EXCITED!”
Nancy: “OK I apologise, obviously you have led a somewhat uneventful and sheltered life up until now and so the discovery of 241 meals at Pizza Express is the pinnacle of your existence so far.”

WTF?

Or even just now as I was typing the WTF examples another just popped out of her mouth:

Temp: “IT’S BRIGHT COLOURS TIME!”
Nancy: “Er really?”
Temp: “YEAH BRIGHT COLOURS TIME!” (Said brandishing a highlighter pen)
Nancy: (fuck sake, I suppose I should humour her) “So what’s getting the bright colour treatment then?!”
Temp: “THE POST REGISTER!”
Nancy: “Riiiight” (not sure how she is going to do this as the post register is an electronic spreadsheet – is she going to draw on the lines on her monitor with the highlighter? Oh jesus, I so don’t care…)
Temp: “YEAH AND IT’S THE 2009 POST REGISTER!”
Nancy: (God I need to get away from this, quick close the deal) “Well you knock yourself out.”
Temp: “I WILL!”

WTF?

I was also enlightened earlier today about a song at the Comedy Club that they turned into the words ‘The Hokey Cokey’ – “It was hilarious!” Um, correct me if I’m wrong but that is an ACTUAL song already. “No it’s not it’s the ‘Hokey Pokey’” Say what now? Oh god another UK/Australian difference, here we go again…. Kirstie confirmed that in Oz they call it the Hokey Pokey. “Why would you call it the Hokey Cokey?! That’s just weird!” exclaims the Temp. And ‘The Hokey Pokey’ is totally normal? Of course. I couldn’t resist to point out the fact that they are BOTH ridiculous titles for a song but neither is more ridiculous than the other (apart from the fact the Hokey Pokey just conjures up a whole word of wrong-ness when singing it with children) and thankfully managed to shut her up on the subject.

We also got pulled back to the ‘Sugar Land’ revelation. I may have not mentioned this before. There is a town in Texas in the US of A called Sugar Land, you may have heard of it, you may not. Either way it’s the kind of name you would read and think “cool” or possibly imagine a land made of sugar for all of say, 30 seconds. Temp discovered this name on a UPS package we received and unfortunately thought about it for a lot longer than 30 seconds and felt it necessary to voice these thoughts. I won’t go into details but by now you can imagine how painful it was.

So today Temp 2, or Ms Rigsby as Kirstie has taken to calling her (hat tip to Kirstie for the blog nick name – it can be so effortless sometimes) got her hands on another UPS package. She came running over to share this hilarious discovery with Temp 1.

“SEE IT’S NOT JUST ME WHO THINKS ITS COOL!”

Sigh. Here we go.

And go and go and go…. “Why did no one think it was cool when I mentioned it?” Er because you are possibly one of the most irritating people to have to sit next to for 8-9 hours a day and therefore we try and make as little eye contact with you as possible? Hmmm, I think a shrug should do it.

* Shrug *

“See, you thought I was crazy!”
“Yes and now we think you are both crazy – it’s not unusual in this department to have more than one crazy person.”

PING! Up jumps and email from Kirstie and therein followed a conversation which I shall share with you tomorrow, it involved a lot of laughing at our computer screens which made Temp very self conscious and I must say made me smirk even more. Evil aren’t I? I’ll fill you in on the details I promise, but not right now. Well I can’t spoil you with everything in one go can I? There is also the promise of other news but that will have to wait as well as I have to stop typing and answer yet another stupid question Ms Specsavers.

Tune in tomorrow for further updates.